trying to live without my wife

it has been really hard the past year or so in two month it will be 2 year that my wife has passed away im finding it much harder as time passes i never thought that i would feel so lonely with out her but i do we had been married 18 years haven't been happy in life after she passed away it took over a year to be able to sleep in bed again and still sometime i still don't want to sleep in bed i don't get the right amount of sleep i should get any more i hate being single and hat being alone in this apartment i don't really care about living anymore even don't care about living in Georgia wish i could be back to my old self again but i don't see that happaning any time soon it like im lost for word it hurts so much other people still have a wife or girlfriend and go out and cheat on them left and right i never cheated on my wife and she gone