Isolation drove me here
I remember why now, trying to be in a relationship, why I banned myself from it.
I actually don't care. In the moment, those sweet seconds, I believed I can give her the world. Flew across the world to see her. I believed I could rid myself of my faults. I could stop being a liar. I could be transparent. Spontaneous, engaging.
Instead I flew back home. How quickly those promises faded from reality. Lifting the veil more and more of my shaded past. How indifferent I could become. How manipulative I could be with my own self-beating emotions. How I focus so much on what I should feel that I don't actually acknowledge, maybe not even feel, anything.
I think if I just kept it as friends, if I just had my friends, it'd be fine enough. But, no I did this instead and now it's time to reap consequences.
And even now I drove myself here, back to this site after years, all because this is my haven when I'm in this state. Needing to have a voice to a crowd of strangers who would most likely ignore me, which I would prefer because I know how ungrateful I am.
World deserve better than guys like me around.. Guys who are shitheads and too stubborn, or stupid, to change.
I actually don't care. In the moment, those sweet seconds, I believed I can give her the world. Flew across the world to see her. I believed I could rid myself of my faults. I could stop being a liar. I could be transparent. Spontaneous, engaging.
Instead I flew back home. How quickly those promises faded from reality. Lifting the veil more and more of my shaded past. How indifferent I could become. How manipulative I could be with my own self-beating emotions. How I focus so much on what I should feel that I don't actually acknowledge, maybe not even feel, anything.
I think if I just kept it as friends, if I just had my friends, it'd be fine enough. But, no I did this instead and now it's time to reap consequences.
And even now I drove myself here, back to this site after years, all because this is my haven when I'm in this state. Needing to have a voice to a crowd of strangers who would most likely ignore me, which I would prefer because I know how ungrateful I am.
World deserve better than guys like me around.. Guys who are shitheads and too stubborn, or stupid, to change.
