I do love my Husband. I have for four and a half decades. However, many nights I feel sad and lonely because many nights after my Husband has had a six pack and smoked some, we have little spats. Not real arguments, but little irritations towards each other. 😔
I am not on the same wavelength as he is because I am sober. This leads to many imagined things that hurt each other's feelings. My Husband becomes very impatient and easily frustrated with me, and I become very defensive because this has happened for so long. That is why I am up writing when I should be sleeping. I can't sleep when we feel so distant from each other.😔
In the morning, my Husband will wake up like nothing even happened, but my mind and body will be just a little more run down because I can't sleep. I have many health issues, and when I can't sleep, they all just get worse. I am trying to learn how to do better, and understand more about why I react the way I do to people, to my Husband, but I get so confused. 😔
I want to be like my Husband. If we are going to have these little spats all the time, I want to wake up in the morning like nothing happened too. I want to be able to go to sleep because arguing with him doesn't upset me enough to keep me awake. I just am not smart enough to figure out how. 😔
Maybe, when I was younger and my mind worked better, I could have figured this out. Now I just get more confused.😔
Please don't misunderstand. I love my Husband with every fiber of my being. I look up to him, so much. He and my children are everything that matters to me in the whole world, but I am just so tired of these little spats and the larger arguments we have sometimes. I honestly feel like they might end up being the death of me.😔
Honey, I know you check on me here, on this site, once in a while, and I want you to know I am so very sorry for every time I have frustrated you. I wish I were better. You know I try to be with all I am to please you, I just never seem to get quite right.😔
To whoever may read this post, please pay this post no never mind. I am just a little sad and tired. Tomorrow will be another day, and things will look much better. I just find that writing things down sometimes helps me see things more clearly.
This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »
@LilymoonHe knows this is true, and I think it hurts him too. He has tried many times over the years to quit drinking, I think mainly because he doesn't want to hurt me. This isn't something we can talk about with each other anymore, though. He has grown very defensive about the topic because he feels so bad about himself. 😔
If I even try to approach the topic, the pain in his eyes, his self-loathing, his feelings of being weak, of being a disappointment to himself and to others, the years of pain he has caused to others, and his knowledge that the only way to forget this is to drink more, it is all in those eyes.😔
This is why I am trying to figure out how to be strong within myself, so I am not affected so much by these passing little irritating times with each other. It is only for an hour or so most nights, and if I could just figure out how to let it roll off my back, I would be a healhtier person. Thank you ( and MadameFrazzelBottom) for your wise,very wise indeed, comment. I really do thank you for your kind and caring response. 🙂
