I do love my Husband. I have for four and a half decades. However, many nights I feel sad and lonely because many nights after my Husband has had a six pack and smoked some, we have little spats. Not real arguments, but little irritations towards each other. 😔
I am not on the same wavelength as he is because I am sober. This leads to many imagined things that hurt each other's feelings. My Husband becomes very impatient and easily frustrated with me, and I become very defensive because this has happened for so long. That is why I am up writing when I should be sleeping. I can't sleep when we feel so distant from each other.😔
In the morning, my Husband will wake up like nothing even happened, but my mind and body will be just a little more run down because I can't sleep. I have many health issues, and when I can't sleep, they all just get worse. I am trying to learn how to do better, and understand more about why I react the way I do to people, to my Husband, but I get so confused. 😔
I want to be like my Husband. If we are going to have these little spats all the time, I want to wake up in the morning like nothing happened too. I want to be able to go to sleep because arguing with him doesn't upset me enough to keep me awake. I just am not smart enough to figure out how. 😔
Maybe, when I was younger and my mind worked better, I could have figured this out. Now I just get more confused.😔
Please don't misunderstand. I love my Husband with every fiber of my being. I look up to him, so much. He and my children are everything that matters to me in the whole world, but I am just so tired of these little spats and the larger arguments we have sometimes. I honestly feel like they might end up being the death of me.😔
Honey, I know you check on me here, on this site, once in a while, and I want you to know I am so very sorry for every time I have frustrated you. I wish I were better. You know I try to be with all I am to please you, I just never seem to get quite right.😔
To whoever may read this post, please pay this post no never mind. I am just a little sad and tired. Tomorrow will be another day, and things will look much better. I just find that writing things down sometimes helps me see things more clearly.
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@Ferise1You know I tried that method once before. I thought if you can't beat em, join em. I started drinking CLC and Coke, because I don't care much for beer. I knew I was playing with fire because almost all of the folks in my family are addicts or alcoholics, but I just didn't care at the moment. 😠
I drank every night, just like my Husband does. Within a week, I knew I was in trouble because I started craving as soon as I woke up. My Husband and I started fighting really bad, because I held a lot of resentment towards him inside me, but when I drank, it all came out. Every night, night after night, I raged at him, until one day he told me this was going to end in divorce.😢
By this point, I had been drinking for a year. I had dropped the Coke and was drinking shot after shot. I stopped eating because eating affected how good the whiskey made me feel. I wasn't happy, but I also knew as soon as I had that first drink I would be numb to his pain again. 😔
It took me a week to make the decision to quit, and it only happened because my Husband asked me if I wanted to fall in love with him again. He said that would happen if I stopped drinking. I desperately wanted this.❤
It wasn't easy to quit, and I went through several changes in my reality during the first week. Drinking like that had affected my mond, so much that my reality wasn't real. I am not sure if that makes much sense, but I didn't sleep very well last night. Please forgive me if I am confusing.😔
I fought the cravings for several months, but finally, after a long time, I didn't want to drink anymore. I can drink now, once in a while, but I never drink enough to get intoxicated. I also never drink more than one day in a row. If I do, I start craving again. So having a six-pack isn't a good answer for me. I do appreciate your humor, as this answer was something I had already tried. In theory, it did seem like a good idea at the time too.🙂 Thank you for your comment. I do appreciate it.🙂
