What is the main feature that first attracted you to your actual partner?
What were some physical preferences you have/had before in a partner?
What was it that most attracted you to your spouse/girlfriend when you first met OR what is it that most attracts you to women?
Can be either physical or non-physical attributes. What first attracted you to your current partner? How did you get to where you are right now? What was your first impression of your partner? What was the first thing that attracted you to them? Does they still have that quality that you initially found attractive? What drew you to your SO? Was it first impression or drawn out over time? What made you attracted to someone you initially weren't attracted to? When you first met your SO, were you instantly attracted to them, or did it just develop over time? How do relationships normally happen?
I'm have no dating experience whatsoever, and I'm not even really sure how most relationships commonly start. When you first saw your SO, did you automatically like them physically and emotionally? Did you start out as friends? How did you even transition into a relationship? Is physical attractiveness THAT important? How important is PHYSICAL attraction in a successful marriage/relationship?
Looking for serious advice. Me (male) and my girlfriend, both late twenties, have been together 5 years. Lately we've hit a bit of a brick wall, and I don't know if this is one we can get past.
I don't find my girlfriend very physically attractive... and my girlfriend knows it and feels terrible about it.
She definitely has a lot of beautiful features, but she's quite overweight, and I'm just not very attracted to heavy women in general (I'm talking 60lbs+ over in this example, 30-40lbs or less overweight is usually not an issue to me) So I started dating her from the get go not super attracted to her, keeping an open mind, and you know what, I fell in love with her and she is like a best friend to me. We click on so many levels, our personalities pair very well, we have compatible lifestyles, etc etc. I personally think there are so many other facets to a relationship that lead to happiness and success, so I really ended up being quite neutral about her weight, and honestly do get quite turned on by her anyway!
Anyway, about a year ago I let slip to my girlfriend that I wished she was skinnier because she would so attractive, which spiraled downhill to me confessing that I did not find her attractive at the heavier weight. I DID NOT say she was ugly, because she is not, but she's more of like a 5/10 to me. Well, this caused a rift in our relationship, as she wanted something someone that would tell her she was beautiful and stunning now matter if she was 100lbs or 300lbs. Over the last year, she's really taken it hard and has become ashamed of her body and feels that she doesn't even want me to look at her. For me, I don't know what the solution is because I said what I said, and honestly physical attraction to me is not a huge component of the successful relationship. I love her for so many other things, I would love her whether she was 100lbs or 300lbs just the same. What I wanted to ask is how important is physical attraction for a successful/happy relationship? I would like to here if there are any couples/married folks who have a happy relationship even if they don't find their partner physically attractive. I can't be the only one who thinks physical attraction is such a small part to a happy and long marriage. Let me know your thoughts, thank you. How much value do you place on your partner being attractive?
I think, for a lot of women, how a man looks isn’t nearly as important as other factors like his personality, confidence, ability to provide, etc. I feel like I was most attracted to my partner’s (and ex’s) confidence, sense of humor, personality. I think the perception of women is that we all want to date a guy who’s 6’5” with a 6 pack. It got me thinking, maybe men don’t actually place as much value on looks as women do either. So… hence the question, how much value do you place on (1) finding your partner physically attractive and (2) having a partner you know others find physically attractive. Ladies, did you find your SO physically attractive the first time you saw them? I am 29yo Male currently pursuing arranged marriage, average looking, engineer+MBA, working in a Tier 1 city, earns decently well, social. So here is the dilemma- I met this girl on a matrimony website who is perfect and crosses all my checklist, But I don't find her physically attractive, mostly because she is overweight but also due to her dressing sense etc. (If I have to rate, she would be 3.5 out of 10). I spoke with her on phone once and then met her over coffee once. She seemed nice in all the other aspects. She said she is willing to proceed further like meet and talk few more times and then our families can meet. Now I have to take the decision, should I go ahead with the prospect or reject her.
So my question is (especially to the people who have been married for few years) - Is being physically attracted to your partner important in a marriage? Does it matter in the long run? How much weightage I should give to this criteria? My parents are traditional conservative but are chill wrt my marriage, they will give their opinion but leave the final decision to me. Their only concern is don't delay too much otherwise it will get more difficult to find a suitable girl as you move into your thirties (not impossible though), which statistically speaking, I somewhat agree. But again, they are not rushing me or forcing me to marry anyone just because we are crossing an imaginary deadline. Basically, the entire decision is on me, and that is making me even more nervous. What if this is the best I can do? What if I reject her and cannot find anyone better than her? I consulted my trusted friends/family etc. and I got mixed reactions like below.(following are the are TLDRs of long discussions)
P1: "Lower your standards. You won't find a prefect girl in arranged marriage, if she is perfect, she would already be with someone and pursue love marriage. Don't try to seek a perfect girl, as you won't find one. Settle for the best one you have now" (My reaction - I am not asking for the moon. I know I am not a perfectly handsome guy either but I am not ugly or bad looking also. I am average looking (5 or 6/10). I actively work on my appearance, physique, personality etc. I put in the efforts. Is it too much to ask that I should feel at least some attraction to my partner to begin with. I am not asking for perfect, but at least give me little something to work with.)
P2: "Looks don't matter in the long run. You will get old after few years and this won't matter. Check your compatibility, her values, her behavior etc. because that will matter in the long run"
P3: "Physical attraction is important. If sex is not good, you will be stuck in loveless marriage and its very bad. If sex is good its only 20% of your marriage, but if it's bad its 80% of the problems in your marriage" P4: "This is too small of a thing to reject a girl. You casually and politely let her know that she has to work on her appearance. If she is really into you, she will take the effort. Its all about intent. With right attitude, understanding and communication, it can be fixed" (My reaction - Can I take the risk based on hope, what if she takes it the wrong way, what if this doesn't work out after we are married. Last thing I want is to ruin her life in a loveless marriage, fully knowing beforehand that I am not attracted to her at all)
I am asking here (and not on other specific subreddits) because I don't think our Indian marriages are understood by others the same way it is understood by us.
What was it that most attracted you to your spouse/girlfriend when you first met OR what is it that most attracts you to women?
Can be either physical or non-physical attributes. What first attracted you to your current partner? How did you get to where you are right now? What was your first impression of your partner? What was the first thing that attracted you to them? Does they still have that quality that you initially found attractive? What drew you to your SO? Was it first impression or drawn out over time? What made you attracted to someone you initially weren't attracted to? When you first met your SO, were you instantly attracted to them, or did it just develop over time? How do relationships normally happen?
I'm have no dating experience whatsoever, and I'm not even really sure how most relationships commonly start. When you first saw your SO, did you automatically like them physically and emotionally? Did you start out as friends? How did you even transition into a relationship? Is physical attractiveness THAT important? How important is PHYSICAL attraction in a successful marriage/relationship?
Looking for serious advice. Me (male) and my girlfriend, both late twenties, have been together 5 years. Lately we've hit a bit of a brick wall, and I don't know if this is one we can get past.
I don't find my girlfriend very physically attractive... and my girlfriend knows it and feels terrible about it.
She definitely has a lot of beautiful features, but she's quite overweight, and I'm just not very attracted to heavy women in general (I'm talking 60lbs+ over in this example, 30-40lbs or less overweight is usually not an issue to me) So I started dating her from the get go not super attracted to her, keeping an open mind, and you know what, I fell in love with her and she is like a best friend to me. We click on so many levels, our personalities pair very well, we have compatible lifestyles, etc etc. I personally think there are so many other facets to a relationship that lead to happiness and success, so I really ended up being quite neutral about her weight, and honestly do get quite turned on by her anyway!
Anyway, about a year ago I let slip to my girlfriend that I wished she was skinnier because she would so attractive, which spiraled downhill to me confessing that I did not find her attractive at the heavier weight. I DID NOT say she was ugly, because she is not, but she's more of like a 5/10 to me. Well, this caused a rift in our relationship, as she wanted something someone that would tell her she was beautiful and stunning now matter if she was 100lbs or 300lbs. Over the last year, she's really taken it hard and has become ashamed of her body and feels that she doesn't even want me to look at her. For me, I don't know what the solution is because I said what I said, and honestly physical attraction to me is not a huge component of the successful relationship. I love her for so many other things, I would love her whether she was 100lbs or 300lbs just the same. What I wanted to ask is how important is physical attraction for a successful/happy relationship? I would like to here if there are any couples/married folks who have a happy relationship even if they don't find their partner physically attractive. I can't be the only one who thinks physical attraction is such a small part to a happy and long marriage. Let me know your thoughts, thank you. How much value do you place on your partner being attractive?
I think, for a lot of women, how a man looks isn’t nearly as important as other factors like his personality, confidence, ability to provide, etc. I feel like I was most attracted to my partner’s (and ex’s) confidence, sense of humor, personality. I think the perception of women is that we all want to date a guy who’s 6’5” with a 6 pack. It got me thinking, maybe men don’t actually place as much value on looks as women do either. So… hence the question, how much value do you place on (1) finding your partner physically attractive and (2) having a partner you know others find physically attractive. Ladies, did you find your SO physically attractive the first time you saw them? I am 29yo Male currently pursuing arranged marriage, average looking, engineer+MBA, working in a Tier 1 city, earns decently well, social. So here is the dilemma- I met this girl on a matrimony website who is perfect and crosses all my checklist, But I don't find her physically attractive, mostly because she is overweight but also due to her dressing sense etc. (If I have to rate, she would be 3.5 out of 10). I spoke with her on phone once and then met her over coffee once. She seemed nice in all the other aspects. She said she is willing to proceed further like meet and talk few more times and then our families can meet. Now I have to take the decision, should I go ahead with the prospect or reject her.
So my question is (especially to the people who have been married for few years) - Is being physically attracted to your partner important in a marriage? Does it matter in the long run? How much weightage I should give to this criteria? My parents are traditional conservative but are chill wrt my marriage, they will give their opinion but leave the final decision to me. Their only concern is don't delay too much otherwise it will get more difficult to find a suitable girl as you move into your thirties (not impossible though), which statistically speaking, I somewhat agree. But again, they are not rushing me or forcing me to marry anyone just because we are crossing an imaginary deadline. Basically, the entire decision is on me, and that is making me even more nervous. What if this is the best I can do? What if I reject her and cannot find anyone better than her? I consulted my trusted friends/family etc. and I got mixed reactions like below.(following are the are TLDRs of long discussions)
P1: "Lower your standards. You won't find a prefect girl in arranged marriage, if she is perfect, she would already be with someone and pursue love marriage. Don't try to seek a perfect girl, as you won't find one. Settle for the best one you have now" (My reaction - I am not asking for the moon. I know I am not a perfectly handsome guy either but I am not ugly or bad looking also. I am average looking (5 or 6/10). I actively work on my appearance, physique, personality etc. I put in the efforts. Is it too much to ask that I should feel at least some attraction to my partner to begin with. I am not asking for perfect, but at least give me little something to work with.)
P2: "Looks don't matter in the long run. You will get old after few years and this won't matter. Check your compatibility, her values, her behavior etc. because that will matter in the long run"
P3: "Physical attraction is important. If sex is not good, you will be stuck in loveless marriage and its very bad. If sex is good its only 20% of your marriage, but if it's bad its 80% of the problems in your marriage" P4: "This is too small of a thing to reject a girl. You casually and politely let her know that she has to work on her appearance. If she is really into you, she will take the effort. Its all about intent. With right attitude, understanding and communication, it can be fixed" (My reaction - Can I take the risk based on hope, what if she takes it the wrong way, what if this doesn't work out after we are married. Last thing I want is to ruin her life in a loveless marriage, fully knowing beforehand that I am not attracted to her at all)
I am asking here (and not on other specific subreddits) because I don't think our Indian marriages are understood by others the same way it is understood by us.
