Would you ever settle for a soulmate you thought wasn't exactly your type of guy?
Just like the title says, I feel like as if I’m too attached to finding my dream guy. I always develop connections pretty quickly with potential partners but just as fast as I can make a connection I can also loose it. It’s as if I always find something that can turn me off pretty quickly and my whole perspective on that person changes. Sometimes I feel as if I’ll never find that person but I wouldn’t want to be with someone I’m not 100% sure of either. I think my problem is I look too much into the future and when I pick up some of the flaws of the person I am talking to, I’ll see the impact it will have in our future.
How does a 'first love' compare to relationships you have had afterward?
I know, 20 years down the road, I'm going to regret not following the life I want to live just so that I could be with her. The only thing holding me back would be the guilt of breaking her heart, the loss of a girl I know I still love, and the fear of not knowing whether I'll ever find someone who I love more than myself. Is it possible to fall even further in love with another person? I'm scared that if I think I can't, and I marry my girlfriend and meet this other person 10, 15 years down the line. There's a good chance I'll have a kid at this point, and I don't want to leave my children behind so I can go have an affair or divorce their mother.
For example if I see they have a bit of a drinking problem, I know that that’s not something to easily overcome and it might stick with them for a long time and it will eventually become a problem in a marriage.
I am starting to think that there is no such thing as “the one.” But I’m always a sucker for stories where people do find the partner that suits and compliments them in a way that I never can hope to have. Pretty please share your stories. And also, how things are going for you and your partner?
A more better example would be communication. If I see someone isn’t very good at communicating, I know for a fact a relationship with them will not be easy. I know some people can change if they truly love someone but then there’s also those “but this is who I am and I can’t change” type of people and those are the ones I try to avoid.
When did you know you found your person?
Relationships
I’m curious how you knew when you had met your person, your one, your soul mate, whatever you want to call them?
I (26f) am currently in a relationship with a wonderful guy (27m). We have been dating/together for about 6 months though it feels much longer and not in a bad way. I know I love him, but this weekend, it kinda hit me just how much I love him, All those cheesy cliches come to mind when I think of him...
He’s my best friend He is my biggest supporter and cheerleader He challenges me to push my limits, try new things, and to be the best I can be. I would absolutely follow him to the ends of the world. I want to see him succeed and follow his dreams He is my missing piece When I am with him I feel like I am home I trust him completely!
None of this is to say I was miserable without him. I love my life and my independence and would never let a guy dictate my ability to be happy. I’m going to live my life with or without a man! He has been extremely supportive of my dreams and aspirations and encourages me to pursue those dreams. We both understand that we have our own lives away from each other and neither of us would ever want to force the other to choose between our relationship and something we were passionate about. He may not be the most perfect person ever, and there are definitely some bumps and obstacles that we have to overcome, but I truly believe I have found my person. I am in a great relationship and feeling like I’ve found my person, I am curious how others knew they had found their person/soulmate/the one.
Do others struggle with this too or am I the only one? At what age are you supposed to find your soulmate at?
For reference, I'm M/18 and currently have no partner. I feel like I'm taking too long to find someone, and that I'm running out of time to have another person to share a life with. This makes me pretty sad, and I really dont want to be alone for the rest of my life. Asking because a lot of the time I see in media and in real life people have found their other halves in their early-late teens. People that felt they found their soulmate and then lost them, did you find someone else that meant as much? What is your story? Do you believe in such a thing as a 'soul mate' or is it mostly 'best of available options'?
I've been playing the numbers game recently with regards to dating, so I've been thinking about this a bit more than normal.
If you had to choose either having endless money or finding your soulmate, which would it be?
*I know some ppl don’t believe in “soulmates” but basically I mean, finding someone you consider perfect, and them loving you back.
With ~3.5 billion members of the opposite sex, and call it 525 million - 350 million members of the same sex (assuming 10-15% of the population is gay/bi) it seems to me that every rejection or failed relationship you have is quite literally like spitting into the ocean compared to the total potential pool of people you could date/fall in love with.
Very convinced I met my soul mate and the most comforting part is the lack of "magic"
The whole thing is super normal feeling. It isn't bell's and whistles and burning passion. It's very quiet and underwhelming and honestly almost forgettable. The electric parts have no theatrics and are very subtle and between us. She brings out everything I seek to be within myself. She isn't objectively incredible, she's a normal person, she's just incredible to me. And I think that's the point. She's my world, not yours.
UK --> 64 million population, that's 32 mil/4.8-3.2 mil people.
AUS --> 23 million population, that's 11.5 mil/1.725 - 1.15 mil people US --> 316 million population, that's 158 mil/ 23.7-15.8 mil people Even if your town/city is 3 million, that's 1.5 mil/450k-300k.... a number well above the total number of people you could expect to meet in your life.
I’ve thought about this a lot over the years. Growing up we’re shown this picturesque (albeit narrow-minded) idea of how relationships/marriage/families should form, and this idea of soulmates is ever present. I’ve been a wedding photographer for a decade, and I hear it in every wedding vow: “You’re my best friend, my soulmate.” But what happens after the vows?
I’ve been married for eight years, and we’re both very happy with each other, although our relationship has never been simple or easy. This has always interested me because I don’t know that I would necessarily classify my husband as my “soulmate,” or at least what I think a soulmate would be, which is of course wildly influenced by what society has always told me a soulmate should be. I wouldn’t change my situation at all, I love my husband and I love our relationship. But it got me wondering, how many people actually feel like they married their soulmate? Not just wedding-vows, proposal-speech soulmates, but actual, feel-it-in-your-core-without-a-singular-sniff-of-a-doubt soulmate.
Soulmates don’t exist and pretending they do is harmful
I think it’s harmful to teach people from a young age that soulmates exist and that everyone will find someone who’s “perfect” for them. I don’t think everyone in the world is guaranteed to meet their soulmate. From what I see, hear, and experience, love always requires sacrifices, compromises, and working things out with someone. I feel like a lot of young people in my generation now have sky high expectations and standards because someone (the media, parents, friends?) told us that one day we’ll find someone who’s absolutely perfect for us. This makes so many of us unwilling to try anything with someone unless we think they’re our soulmate.
I would love to hear some stories about this, for or against this notion. I think it’s something that isn’t talked about honestly enough, particularly in this age of social media, and I would love to read what you all have to say :)
Considering the sheer number of peopl e, is the concept of soul mate or 'forever partner' a silly one? Could it be we just pick the best of the ones available to us/in our league? Why do we romanticize the concept so much? Whenever I saw those questions, I would always choose ‘soulmate’. Why? Because I felt like ‘money’ was the ‘wrong’ answer. I felt like choosing money over a husband was just the option for mean and selfish people. Like it was all just a trick question. I would go as far as to be mad at the people that chose the money. So, even though I didn’t want to find my soulmate, I still chose that option. I thought, since I was maybe 8 or 9 when I started seeing these questions, that ‘of course I don’t want love now! But I’ll want it one day when I’m older. Because everyone does, except for the selfish people that chose money. Why would anyone choose money over love?’
What was the biggest realisation you had from meeting your ‘soulmate?’ How did you know you were in love, or, had found your "soulmate"?
Seeking anecdotes from both monogamous and non-monogamous perspectives.
I’m currently 13, and a romance repulsed aromantic. I now realise that ‘true love’ isn’t for everyone. It’s not for a lot of you in this sub. It’s not for me. And that’s completely valid <3 What was it like, when you knew they were ‘The One’?
As the title states, what’s your story. I hear about people with their person and it works out so well. This is more for people who are still with that person (Soulmate). The last guy I dated before my husband was a good-on-paper guy. Great, interesting job. Super duper smart. In my opinion, too good looking for me. And I just. did. not. like. him. He got really emotional over stuff that made me roll my eyes and had kind of weird paranoid conspiracy theories. So I broke up with him.
The guy before that was this professor who was way too old for me but really charming and we would do fun things like drink absinthe on Venice Beach. But he was emotionally stunted and not really boyfriend/life partner material.
Who else. There was the guy who told his friend, when he thought I couldn't hear, that I'm "not girlfriend material." And he was a bad speller, and not that attractive, and I think believed in some paranormal stuff. There was my last serious boyfriend, who, after 4 years, I just wasn't in love with, who had a problem with honesty, who kept reading my emails, not even because he didn't trust me but because he was so fascinated by me.
The guy I dated for 4 months, who never spoke to me again after I told him I had feelings for him.
SO MANY BAD DATES. I had SO MANY of them.
And then I met my husband. Smart, confident, ambitious, charming as hell. He wanted a second date and a third date and he wanted me to move in and before a year was out we had talked about marriage and kids. So, I went for it. I knew he wasn't perfect but we got along, we had fun together, he didn't think anything stupid, and he's a terrible speller but for some reason it just doesn't bother me. But now things are rocky. Life caught up to us. A baby, a move, a job change, and our marriage is tapped out. We both have to try SO HARD to be nice to each other. Meanwhile I see these people on reddit, and I see these relationships my friends have -- they say, I don't know how how I found someone so perfect for me. S/he is my soulmate. And I've never, not for a second, felt like my husband is perfect for me, or he's my soulmate. I don't feel like I've known him all my life. My heart doesn't flipflop when he comes in the door. He is just a good guy who I'm making it work with. I'm happier with him than I would be without him, that's for sure. But after dating so many different kinds of people -- I don't understand how it's even possible to find someone who you're totally, completely compatible with, someone who you can't wait to see when you get home at night, someone who feels like your soulmate. I can't even imagine what that's like, and I don't know if I settled. Do you, or anyone you know of maybe even you feel that your partner chose you out of settling and not because they or you were their soul mate? Have you ever gone back to an ex after dating other people and realized they were the one or was it because you felt you just couldn't do better?
Be honest, I know these are harsh questions but we have to get real when it comes to matters of who we are going to spend the rest of our lives with.
Are you happy with the choice you made, and the person you're with? Do you feel you made your choice based on genuine love or rather logic and reasoning i.e. financial reasons, family, religion, money, culture, education? Was it because you felt this person got you like no one else did and you just have that unspoken bond? Do you feel that way now? If you could go back and change anything would you? What have you learned? Did you and your partner have to go through a lot of healing & forgiveness before you decided to settle down? I've never been married but I'm at an age where I'm looking for the right partner and sometimes people go back to their exes for right or wrong reasons. Not saying that's the case or what I'm doing but curious just to know how someone came to the conclusion that this was the right person for them to marry and start a life with?
Whether we believe in "soul mates" or not I definitely think we can all agree that we are just looking for the right partner who will compliment our life. Someone we can trust & be our most authentic selves with & someone who brings the best out in us & vise versa. I think that a soul mate is someone we choose & I like to think I have a choice in my destiny and who I will spend my life with. I like some of the answers in that a soul mate is what you make of it. Growing together over time & becoming stronger than ever.
Finding someone who shares the same core values that you do. Compatibility and integrity have a lot to do with it and of course love, trust, communication, and mutual respect are a given. I think all that matters is that people are happy whether that's sharing your life with a partner, with friends & family and/or even with just yourself but everyone's journey is different & everyone's view of love is different. As long as we eventually get to that happy place is all that matters. 🙏🧡 Can’t seem to find the same feeling of “love” as I did in my teens and early twenties.
I had a number of relationships in my teens and twenties in which I was madly in love with my partner. Of course this feeling eventually faded and we broke up. None of the relationships I’ve been in since turning 30 have evoked the same depth of “floating off the ground” love that I felt back in my youth. The closest thing is the love I have for my child, but even that’s not really the same. Am I just picking the wrong partners? Am I just so jaded I can’t feel that kind of love any more? Is that just a feeling of youth? Anyone else struggle with that? I need help. We are coming on our 2 year anniversary (just as a couple). I am 21 and am absolutely in love with them. They are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and marry.
After being together for 2 years I am even more in love than I was before. But I struggle. I just lust over wanting to be in the hook up game again.
I know it was terrible - hook ups to me always seemed like they were missing a connection. It comes in waves where I am madly in love and then there's a lull where I want to go out and hook up again. I miss the variety in sex and sexual partners. Different bodies - different people.
I feel like this will be an issue for a long time. I don't think this feeling will ever go away. Everyone always says - there's always another "the one" out there. But I truly believe I will never meet someone like them ever again - I could come close - but then it would just never be the same. I've brought up open relationships before and they don't believe in them. I do not want to break up. The only solution I see is trying to get them into adding another person into our sex life every once in awhile. But I'm not a huge fan of threesomes (as I worry one person will feel left out). What do I do?
How does a 'first love' compare to relationships you have had afterward?
I know, 20 years down the road, I'm going to regret not following the life I want to live just so that I could be with her. The only thing holding me back would be the guilt of breaking her heart, the loss of a girl I know I still love, and the fear of not knowing whether I'll ever find someone who I love more than myself. Is it possible to fall even further in love with another person? I'm scared that if I think I can't, and I marry my girlfriend and meet this other person 10, 15 years down the line. There's a good chance I'll have a kid at this point, and I don't want to leave my children behind so I can go have an affair or divorce their mother.
For example if I see they have a bit of a drinking problem, I know that that’s not something to easily overcome and it might stick with them for a long time and it will eventually become a problem in a marriage.
I am starting to think that there is no such thing as “the one.” But I’m always a sucker for stories where people do find the partner that suits and compliments them in a way that I never can hope to have. Pretty please share your stories. And also, how things are going for you and your partner?
A more better example would be communication. If I see someone isn’t very good at communicating, I know for a fact a relationship with them will not be easy. I know some people can change if they truly love someone but then there’s also those “but this is who I am and I can’t change” type of people and those are the ones I try to avoid.
When did you know you found your person?
Relationships
I’m curious how you knew when you had met your person, your one, your soul mate, whatever you want to call them?
I (26f) am currently in a relationship with a wonderful guy (27m). We have been dating/together for about 6 months though it feels much longer and not in a bad way. I know I love him, but this weekend, it kinda hit me just how much I love him, All those cheesy cliches come to mind when I think of him...
He’s my best friend He is my biggest supporter and cheerleader He challenges me to push my limits, try new things, and to be the best I can be. I would absolutely follow him to the ends of the world. I want to see him succeed and follow his dreams He is my missing piece When I am with him I feel like I am home I trust him completely!
None of this is to say I was miserable without him. I love my life and my independence and would never let a guy dictate my ability to be happy. I’m going to live my life with or without a man! He has been extremely supportive of my dreams and aspirations and encourages me to pursue those dreams. We both understand that we have our own lives away from each other and neither of us would ever want to force the other to choose between our relationship and something we were passionate about. He may not be the most perfect person ever, and there are definitely some bumps and obstacles that we have to overcome, but I truly believe I have found my person. I am in a great relationship and feeling like I’ve found my person, I am curious how others knew they had found their person/soulmate/the one.
Do others struggle with this too or am I the only one? At what age are you supposed to find your soulmate at?
For reference, I'm M/18 and currently have no partner. I feel like I'm taking too long to find someone, and that I'm running out of time to have another person to share a life with. This makes me pretty sad, and I really dont want to be alone for the rest of my life. Asking because a lot of the time I see in media and in real life people have found their other halves in their early-late teens. People that felt they found their soulmate and then lost them, did you find someone else that meant as much? What is your story? Do you believe in such a thing as a 'soul mate' or is it mostly 'best of available options'?
I've been playing the numbers game recently with regards to dating, so I've been thinking about this a bit more than normal.
If you had to choose either having endless money or finding your soulmate, which would it be?
*I know some ppl don’t believe in “soulmates” but basically I mean, finding someone you consider perfect, and them loving you back.
With ~3.5 billion members of the opposite sex, and call it 525 million - 350 million members of the same sex (assuming 10-15% of the population is gay/bi) it seems to me that every rejection or failed relationship you have is quite literally like spitting into the ocean compared to the total potential pool of people you could date/fall in love with.
Very convinced I met my soul mate and the most comforting part is the lack of "magic"
The whole thing is super normal feeling. It isn't bell's and whistles and burning passion. It's very quiet and underwhelming and honestly almost forgettable. The electric parts have no theatrics and are very subtle and between us. She brings out everything I seek to be within myself. She isn't objectively incredible, she's a normal person, she's just incredible to me. And I think that's the point. She's my world, not yours.
UK --> 64 million population, that's 32 mil/4.8-3.2 mil people.
AUS --> 23 million population, that's 11.5 mil/1.725 - 1.15 mil people US --> 316 million population, that's 158 mil/ 23.7-15.8 mil people Even if your town/city is 3 million, that's 1.5 mil/450k-300k.... a number well above the total number of people you could expect to meet in your life.
I’ve thought about this a lot over the years. Growing up we’re shown this picturesque (albeit narrow-minded) idea of how relationships/marriage/families should form, and this idea of soulmates is ever present. I’ve been a wedding photographer for a decade, and I hear it in every wedding vow: “You’re my best friend, my soulmate.” But what happens after the vows?
I’ve been married for eight years, and we’re both very happy with each other, although our relationship has never been simple or easy. This has always interested me because I don’t know that I would necessarily classify my husband as my “soulmate,” or at least what I think a soulmate would be, which is of course wildly influenced by what society has always told me a soulmate should be. I wouldn’t change my situation at all, I love my husband and I love our relationship. But it got me wondering, how many people actually feel like they married their soulmate? Not just wedding-vows, proposal-speech soulmates, but actual, feel-it-in-your-core-without-a-singular-sniff-of-a-doubt soulmate.
Soulmates don’t exist and pretending they do is harmful
I think it’s harmful to teach people from a young age that soulmates exist and that everyone will find someone who’s “perfect” for them. I don’t think everyone in the world is guaranteed to meet their soulmate. From what I see, hear, and experience, love always requires sacrifices, compromises, and working things out with someone. I feel like a lot of young people in my generation now have sky high expectations and standards because someone (the media, parents, friends?) told us that one day we’ll find someone who’s absolutely perfect for us. This makes so many of us unwilling to try anything with someone unless we think they’re our soulmate.
I would love to hear some stories about this, for or against this notion. I think it’s something that isn’t talked about honestly enough, particularly in this age of social media, and I would love to read what you all have to say :)
Considering the sheer number of peopl e, is the concept of soul mate or 'forever partner' a silly one? Could it be we just pick the best of the ones available to us/in our league? Why do we romanticize the concept so much? Whenever I saw those questions, I would always choose ‘soulmate’. Why? Because I felt like ‘money’ was the ‘wrong’ answer. I felt like choosing money over a husband was just the option for mean and selfish people. Like it was all just a trick question. I would go as far as to be mad at the people that chose the money. So, even though I didn’t want to find my soulmate, I still chose that option. I thought, since I was maybe 8 or 9 when I started seeing these questions, that ‘of course I don’t want love now! But I’ll want it one day when I’m older. Because everyone does, except for the selfish people that chose money. Why would anyone choose money over love?’
What was the biggest realisation you had from meeting your ‘soulmate?’ How did you know you were in love, or, had found your "soulmate"?
Seeking anecdotes from both monogamous and non-monogamous perspectives.
I’m currently 13, and a romance repulsed aromantic. I now realise that ‘true love’ isn’t for everyone. It’s not for a lot of you in this sub. It’s not for me. And that’s completely valid <3 What was it like, when you knew they were ‘The One’?
As the title states, what’s your story. I hear about people with their person and it works out so well. This is more for people who are still with that person (Soulmate). The last guy I dated before my husband was a good-on-paper guy. Great, interesting job. Super duper smart. In my opinion, too good looking for me. And I just. did. not. like. him. He got really emotional over stuff that made me roll my eyes and had kind of weird paranoid conspiracy theories. So I broke up with him.
The guy before that was this professor who was way too old for me but really charming and we would do fun things like drink absinthe on Venice Beach. But he was emotionally stunted and not really boyfriend/life partner material.
Who else. There was the guy who told his friend, when he thought I couldn't hear, that I'm "not girlfriend material." And he was a bad speller, and not that attractive, and I think believed in some paranormal stuff. There was my last serious boyfriend, who, after 4 years, I just wasn't in love with, who had a problem with honesty, who kept reading my emails, not even because he didn't trust me but because he was so fascinated by me.
The guy I dated for 4 months, who never spoke to me again after I told him I had feelings for him.
SO MANY BAD DATES. I had SO MANY of them.
And then I met my husband. Smart, confident, ambitious, charming as hell. He wanted a second date and a third date and he wanted me to move in and before a year was out we had talked about marriage and kids. So, I went for it. I knew he wasn't perfect but we got along, we had fun together, he didn't think anything stupid, and he's a terrible speller but for some reason it just doesn't bother me. But now things are rocky. Life caught up to us. A baby, a move, a job change, and our marriage is tapped out. We both have to try SO HARD to be nice to each other. Meanwhile I see these people on reddit, and I see these relationships my friends have -- they say, I don't know how how I found someone so perfect for me. S/he is my soulmate. And I've never, not for a second, felt like my husband is perfect for me, or he's my soulmate. I don't feel like I've known him all my life. My heart doesn't flipflop when he comes in the door. He is just a good guy who I'm making it work with. I'm happier with him than I would be without him, that's for sure. But after dating so many different kinds of people -- I don't understand how it's even possible to find someone who you're totally, completely compatible with, someone who you can't wait to see when you get home at night, someone who feels like your soulmate. I can't even imagine what that's like, and I don't know if I settled. Do you, or anyone you know of maybe even you feel that your partner chose you out of settling and not because they or you were their soul mate? Have you ever gone back to an ex after dating other people and realized they were the one or was it because you felt you just couldn't do better?
Be honest, I know these are harsh questions but we have to get real when it comes to matters of who we are going to spend the rest of our lives with.
Are you happy with the choice you made, and the person you're with? Do you feel you made your choice based on genuine love or rather logic and reasoning i.e. financial reasons, family, religion, money, culture, education? Was it because you felt this person got you like no one else did and you just have that unspoken bond? Do you feel that way now? If you could go back and change anything would you? What have you learned? Did you and your partner have to go through a lot of healing & forgiveness before you decided to settle down? I've never been married but I'm at an age where I'm looking for the right partner and sometimes people go back to their exes for right or wrong reasons. Not saying that's the case or what I'm doing but curious just to know how someone came to the conclusion that this was the right person for them to marry and start a life with?
Whether we believe in "soul mates" or not I definitely think we can all agree that we are just looking for the right partner who will compliment our life. Someone we can trust & be our most authentic selves with & someone who brings the best out in us & vise versa. I think that a soul mate is someone we choose & I like to think I have a choice in my destiny and who I will spend my life with. I like some of the answers in that a soul mate is what you make of it. Growing together over time & becoming stronger than ever.
Finding someone who shares the same core values that you do. Compatibility and integrity have a lot to do with it and of course love, trust, communication, and mutual respect are a given. I think all that matters is that people are happy whether that's sharing your life with a partner, with friends & family and/or even with just yourself but everyone's journey is different & everyone's view of love is different. As long as we eventually get to that happy place is all that matters. 🙏🧡 Can’t seem to find the same feeling of “love” as I did in my teens and early twenties.
I had a number of relationships in my teens and twenties in which I was madly in love with my partner. Of course this feeling eventually faded and we broke up. None of the relationships I’ve been in since turning 30 have evoked the same depth of “floating off the ground” love that I felt back in my youth. The closest thing is the love I have for my child, but even that’s not really the same. Am I just picking the wrong partners? Am I just so jaded I can’t feel that kind of love any more? Is that just a feeling of youth? Anyone else struggle with that? I need help. We are coming on our 2 year anniversary (just as a couple). I am 21 and am absolutely in love with them. They are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and marry.
After being together for 2 years I am even more in love than I was before. But I struggle. I just lust over wanting to be in the hook up game again.
I know it was terrible - hook ups to me always seemed like they were missing a connection. It comes in waves where I am madly in love and then there's a lull where I want to go out and hook up again. I miss the variety in sex and sexual partners. Different bodies - different people.
I feel like this will be an issue for a long time. I don't think this feeling will ever go away. Everyone always says - there's always another "the one" out there. But I truly believe I will never meet someone like them ever again - I could come close - but then it would just never be the same. I've brought up open relationships before and they don't believe in them. I do not want to break up. The only solution I see is trying to get them into adding another person into our sex life every once in awhile. But I'm not a huge fan of threesomes (as I worry one person will feel left out). What do I do?
