My mom is a narcissist..I’m learning to step away with consequences..also I’m sad about it

My mom.... ah yes..a torn relationship. A relationship that has followed me in every aspect of my life.. something that had its ups...but many downs..something I’m now starting to see clear as day..has created a lot of toxicity in my life. Now in my 30s and a mother myself, it’s like someone put a magnifying glass on our history..I see clearly ever detail of our relationship..and overall Im having the hardest time finding any positives.. my mom hits every.single.checkmark on the narcissist tab..every single one... as a child I was beaten in the face.. forced to drink cayenne pepper as punishments, had a pigtail pulled out once.. a tooth broken with her foot...locked in my room for hours, sometimes days on end.. that doesn’t even scratch the surface on the mental abuse.. at age 9 CPS took me away to live with my dad..who also had his fair share of problems but is a completely different person today..but not involved because he has 7 kids from 3 marriages.. again.. hes better today.. I’m learning now about attachment styles.. my strive for perfectionism, my constant anxiety, worry of what others think I of me...my parents are public figures.. and wealthy beyond belief.. and my mom now.. remarried to an even wealthier man welds her money sword.. for her own sake.. I actually grew up very poor, around money but as my grandmother likes to say singled out..I never had new clothes, or a new car.. a phone etc..I paid for these things all myself.. I got a job at 16 and didn’t look back. While my siblings flashed around with Louis Vs, Mercedess Benzs.. and many luxuries I wasn’t allowed to have.. I like to think because I had a mind of my own.. and because I challenged my mom.. frequently.. it was always made clear I was the black sheep.. I didn’t accept these things until I was older.. instead I spent the longest time even up until recently trying to earn my moms approval.. I’d try to show her how successful I was by buying her lavish gifts.. trying to visit regularly.. calling everyday.. telling myself she was my best friend.. it’s crazy.. I know.. telling myself how much I neeeded to talk to her.. as soon as I got a new job I’d call her for approval.. and THAT is where the ticket lies.. I was constantly seeking her approval..daily I needed affirmation from her.. but the truth is, despite all that effort of calling and buying gifts, visiting, etc.. it still was never good enough.. and that dynamic did not apply to just me.. none of her children were good enough in fact. I can’t even count how many negative character defining things she’d say to me behind my siblings backs.. I always wondered if it was just me she said those things to.. or if there was a possibility she was saying negative things about me to my other siblings. I thought at one point I’m in such a good place, there’s nothing negative she can even say about me.. well.. not true.. my twin sister made me aware recently if a lot of horrible hurtful things my mom said about me behind my back.. the day she told me.. I made a decision to step back from my mom. I told her I was taking a break from the relationship and needed space.. she didn’t accept it and has taken it as a total abandonment. My husband tells me it’s okay to take space.. I can see a counselor and learn to set healthy boundaries and then try to reconcile... my mom has since sent me a bunch of nasty emails and messages and with all of that despite my intentions of not wanting to completely kick her out of my life, I’m also not feeling warm about the idea of ever reconnecting again.. in fact, I feel happy and free.. but also deeply sad.. and am grieving .. my mom has also taken the steps to weld hot irons into any other mutual relationships,. Telling others about our falling out, along with bits of gossip.. my sister has stopped calling me.. my aunts,. Uncle... our whole family has been made aware of this falling out.. and have all gotten my mothers side of the story.. my plan is to persist in my healing.. and it could be months or years until I feel like I’m in a safe place to communicate with her.. and when that time comes I know it will be forced.. it will only be for the sake of having a relationship with my mother that I’ll do that.. not genuinely because I want a relationship,. Her relationships are a lot of work.. I hope one day my boundaries are so solid that it won’t be work,.. but I don’t know if that’s possible... it makes me sad.. I feel like someone has passed away in my life.. I’m genuinely sad.. but I can’t let her toxicity affect my little family any longer .. I can’t let my daughter have exposure to this. She’s crazy, and can be violent.. and mentally abusive.. all things she vehemently denies.. never an apology ..never an I’ll work on it .. always an .. but this and but that.. excuses.. justification... you’re not good enough.. she has always told me she might have breast cancer.. she had a benign fatty lump my sister told me... always a victim.. I’m torn.. but feel a strong urge to protect myself and my family.. even if it means never talking to her again... she’s also made it clear my “behavior” has earned me a place outside of the will... so freakin what.. I tell myself.... I’m taking it day by day but don’t see myself getting back in there good graces ever,. I also imagine her passing away one day many many years from not having not reconciled.. I don’t know what to do. It all makes me sad.. but for now.. I’m healing and soaking in my peace.. anyone have similar experiences? I would be so grateful for anyone willing to share. I’m still hurting from it all.. clearly..