Is it looked down upon by society?
I see attractive women all the time and I think they're beautiful but I don't really want to take it any further than admiration at the moment. I feel I have a thirst for too different of a lifestyle than most women would be attracted to. I'm aching to go on a life-changing adventure of extreme detachment to things. I'm looking for a way out of selfishness, and materialism. I'm looking for ways to clean out all the BS in my mind and body. I'm only 20yrs old so taking a couple years to strictly focus on self growth isn't gonna cause no harm. Many women have tried to get close to me and I have refused that attachment for a couple of reasons. Some of those reasons were negative in the past but today I strongly refuse to let them into my life because I am not ready to dedicate my time and energy to them or anyone in such way. Obviously some people can self-improve all while being in a relationship but I know I can't. In fact I can't be emotionally available for any women at the moment due to my troubled mind and spirit. I refuse to bring someone else into my mess even if they think they can be part of its solution. This is something I must do by myself for myself. This journey doesn't necessarily include physical isolation, or a wise old man at the top of some mystical mountain. All it involves is my inner voice/gut feeling and self guidance without all the distractions(addictions). It seems selfish now but I'm only doing this to become a stronger person that hopefully other people can benefit from in the future. I can't help others in my current condition which is why I must grow stronger first before I can help others grow stronger for themselves. Human beings like to help one another so why not? I don't believe declining a date with some girl makes me a bad person. I am flattered by their interest in me and I let them know but its for their own good as well. They should aim higher than people like me. I have nothing good to offer any woman at the moment, but I will in the not too distant future and it won't just benefit them. My changes will benefit anyone close to me. But anyways, is it strange that I really don't care for finding a girlfriend all that much right now? Am I crazy?
