Heard on the news today that two mormons are going on trial for polygamy and it got me thinking,
what actually is the problem with polygamy? Why should it be illegal?
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Aquafairy · F
It isn't sustainable. Ever watched TLC Sister wives? The family on there admitted that had it not been for their reality TV show, their husband (Kody Brown) wouldn't have been able to afford to marry the 4th wife (Robyn).
Over the years the Brown family filed several bankruptcies and Christine Brown was once on food stamps. At that time there were 3 wives and 1 husband. The husband and two wives worked while one wife (Christine) stayed home to take care/homeschool all the children. Those working would pool all their cash together and split the amount among the families (each family got the same amount of money regardless of how many children the woman had).
Let's set the Brown family aside and entertain the idea that polygamy is about to be legalized.
1. Would there be a limit to how many spouses could be in a relationship? (Limitless, 5,10, etc.)
2. How would relationships be defined? Remember POlYGAMY is a general term. There is polygyny (one man several wives), polyandry (one woman several husband) and polyamory (several marriages). On top of polygamy we have same sex marriage so:
Dave have 4 wives (Tara, Kelly, Sue, Ann). Ann has two husband (Dave and Randy). Randy is bisexual and has a husband and a wife (Kevin and Ann). Tara and Kelly are married to each other as well as Dave. Sue is bisexual and has a husband and a wife (Dave and April).
Now in that scenario above, if Dave cheats on his spouses and they all want to divorce him, does he pay alimony to all of his spouses? Or if he dies, do all the wives inherit his things?
Now let's say Ann had 5 children under the age of 18 with Dave who were raised with the help from the other spouses. After the divorce, do the other spouses get visitation rights with the children they help raised?
What if there is money dispute or someone lost their job or doesn't want to share their paycheck, etc.
There are so many questions here but let's move on.
What would stop famous or rich people from having large harems of spouses? Let's say some guy with Bill Gates type money wants a lot of beautiful models/women to be his wives (let's say someone like Hugh Hefner). Or vice versa. Some woman with Oprah Winfrey type cash wanting a lot of handsome husbands.
What is going to happen to the "lost" men and women who cannot find spouses to marry (similar to the boys who get kicked out of polygamous communities so they won't be competing with older men for the limited number of females)?
Let's stop here and look to other countries where polygamy is legal.
****Yes, I know Wikipedia is not a valid source but I am pressed for time and this post is getting too damn long. So...According to Wikipedia,
Polygamy is legal in 58 out of nearly 200 sovereign states, the vast majority of them being Muslim-majority countries situated in Africa and Asia. In most of these states, polygyny is allowed and legally sanctioned. Polyandry is illegal in virtually every state in the world. The rest of the sovereign states do not recognize polygamous marriages.
Muslim majority societies is where the vast majority of polygamists live.
Therefore, we, in the US, cannot model our polygamy laws by using those laws. Why:
1. A lot of Muslims believe homosexuality is a sin (there goes same sex marriages).
2. I have yet to find a Muslim country that allows women to have more than one husband at the same time (there goes equality).
3. Muslim men are allowed up to 4 wives (What if people argue that the government should not be allowed to set the limit of spouses a person or group can have?).
That would mean, if polygamy is pushed to be legal in the US, our society would be doing something that have never been done (at least not in recent history). Polygamy in a society that accepts equal rights for women and homosexuals. This would be a social experiment that could go completely wrong or right or somewhere in between.
And I haven't even mentioned the emotional toll (jealousies, anger, etc.) adults and children would experience in such union. I would love for more children of polygamous marriages to speak up about their experience. Time they spent with their father, how close they are with their other siblings from their father's other wives, etc.
Finally, yes, monogamy have a lot of issues. A shit ton of issues. Some married men and women have affairs, etc. Polygamy would magnify those problems a whole lot more.
Edited to add:
I would also like to know how the marriages would happen. Would all of the spouses have to agree to allow someone new into the union?
Permission is one of the major problem in Islamic polygamy.
I know one family where the man didn't even asked permission to marry another woman. He married an American woman, went back to his country, married a woman there. He than brought the second wife to the US and told the first wife she was to be their children's nanny (The second wife was on a domestic worker visa). First wife found out that her husband lied to her (she found the second wife's marriage certificate) and divorce happened. First wife ended up with the kids. Second wife ended up with the husband. All were bitter.
Over the years the Brown family filed several bankruptcies and Christine Brown was once on food stamps. At that time there were 3 wives and 1 husband. The husband and two wives worked while one wife (Christine) stayed home to take care/homeschool all the children. Those working would pool all their cash together and split the amount among the families (each family got the same amount of money regardless of how many children the woman had).
Let's set the Brown family aside and entertain the idea that polygamy is about to be legalized.
1. Would there be a limit to how many spouses could be in a relationship? (Limitless, 5,10, etc.)
2. How would relationships be defined? Remember POlYGAMY is a general term. There is polygyny (one man several wives), polyandry (one woman several husband) and polyamory (several marriages). On top of polygamy we have same sex marriage so:
Dave have 4 wives (Tara, Kelly, Sue, Ann). Ann has two husband (Dave and Randy). Randy is bisexual and has a husband and a wife (Kevin and Ann). Tara and Kelly are married to each other as well as Dave. Sue is bisexual and has a husband and a wife (Dave and April).
Now in that scenario above, if Dave cheats on his spouses and they all want to divorce him, does he pay alimony to all of his spouses? Or if he dies, do all the wives inherit his things?
Now let's say Ann had 5 children under the age of 18 with Dave who were raised with the help from the other spouses. After the divorce, do the other spouses get visitation rights with the children they help raised?
What if there is money dispute or someone lost their job or doesn't want to share their paycheck, etc.
There are so many questions here but let's move on.
What would stop famous or rich people from having large harems of spouses? Let's say some guy with Bill Gates type money wants a lot of beautiful models/women to be his wives (let's say someone like Hugh Hefner). Or vice versa. Some woman with Oprah Winfrey type cash wanting a lot of handsome husbands.
What is going to happen to the "lost" men and women who cannot find spouses to marry (similar to the boys who get kicked out of polygamous communities so they won't be competing with older men for the limited number of females)?
Let's stop here and look to other countries where polygamy is legal.
****Yes, I know Wikipedia is not a valid source but I am pressed for time and this post is getting too damn long. So...According to Wikipedia,
Polygamy is legal in 58 out of nearly 200 sovereign states, the vast majority of them being Muslim-majority countries situated in Africa and Asia. In most of these states, polygyny is allowed and legally sanctioned. Polyandry is illegal in virtually every state in the world. The rest of the sovereign states do not recognize polygamous marriages.
Muslim majority societies is where the vast majority of polygamists live.
Therefore, we, in the US, cannot model our polygamy laws by using those laws. Why:
1. A lot of Muslims believe homosexuality is a sin (there goes same sex marriages).
2. I have yet to find a Muslim country that allows women to have more than one husband at the same time (there goes equality).
3. Muslim men are allowed up to 4 wives (What if people argue that the government should not be allowed to set the limit of spouses a person or group can have?).
That would mean, if polygamy is pushed to be legal in the US, our society would be doing something that have never been done (at least not in recent history). Polygamy in a society that accepts equal rights for women and homosexuals. This would be a social experiment that could go completely wrong or right or somewhere in between.
And I haven't even mentioned the emotional toll (jealousies, anger, etc.) adults and children would experience in such union. I would love for more children of polygamous marriages to speak up about their experience. Time they spent with their father, how close they are with their other siblings from their father's other wives, etc.
Finally, yes, monogamy have a lot of issues. A shit ton of issues. Some married men and women have affairs, etc. Polygamy would magnify those problems a whole lot more.
Edited to add:
I would also like to know how the marriages would happen. Would all of the spouses have to agree to allow someone new into the union?
Permission is one of the major problem in Islamic polygamy.
I know one family where the man didn't even asked permission to marry another woman. He married an American woman, went back to his country, married a woman there. He than brought the second wife to the US and told the first wife she was to be their children's nanny (The second wife was on a domestic worker visa). First wife found out that her husband lied to her (she found the second wife's marriage certificate) and divorce happened. First wife ended up with the kids. Second wife ended up with the husband. All were bitter.