Taking a risk posting something personal online but it's been on my mind for so long.

A couple years ago, I used to talk to this lady (S) on the phone almost every night but one day she decided to ghost me.

I know why.

At the time, I lived with my parents who are staunch christians and S is muslim. I didn't want them finding out about her. So anytime I had to leave my bedroom and risk my parents hearing us, or anytime I was interrupted by someone in my family, I would quickly say to S, Hold on, I'll be right back without explaining anything. By the time I would get back to the phone, she'd have hung up. This happened frequently.

I didn't tell her that though, about my family. In retrospect, I should have just been clear with her by telling her that my family are very nosy and wouldn't tolerate me regularly talking to a woman of a different faith, so I had to keep it a secret. I should have just told her that. But instead, I tried to ride the line by not telling my family about her, and not telling her about my family.

I think the straw that broke the camel's back was that one day I went to her restaurant and drank wine in front of her while we chatted. Plenty of you probably know that muslims don't condone alcohol consumption. That probably sealed in her mind, "This guy isn't considerate of my time nor my principles."

It was the last time we ever talked. She never texted or called me after that, and she started avoiding me anytime I went to her restaurant.

I miss her.

I should have been more clear with her about the complications with my family, instead of just expecting her to tolerate me frequently leaving her in silence over the phone.

I should have never drank in front of her.

I still drive by her restaurant, which is close by my home. I see her car sitting in front of it. It saddens me.

Part of me thinks about going in and trying to explain things to her and hope for a second chance. But another part of me just thinks I should leave her alone.

I know there are plenty of judgmental people on this site who will interpret all this the worst way possible and see no other way of looking at it. Hopefully I don't get too much of that. I just needed to vent.