Second choice

He was a friend of a friend and we all hung out together. We jokingly flirted around, then eventually started messaging and calling everyday. He's sweet and caring to me. We're really sweet to each other that many people noticed and thought that we will end up dating. I've told my close friends that I liked him too. Until one day when we were hanging out, he was drinking a lot and talked about how he got rejected. Asked him what had happened, he ignored me. I mean, who am I to ask? We're not friends, best friends, related, or dating. It really hit me when I remembered a thought. "He makes me feel special" when turns out he had another girl in mind. But who am I to be mad? We're not together. This really made me feel like shit and dumb for ever believing his words. He was sad about how he was the second choice, but I was also his second choice.Or am I the third? or even Fourth? He's been avoiding me and I can't even make myself confront him about it. What do I do? Do I just go on with my life like nothing happened between us?

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OlderSometimesWiser · F

Confront him about what? You were never dating. Seems you created a narrative in your head that might not even be true.

Dignaga

He likely sees you as dating material so doesn't want to talk to you about why someone else rejected him. Don't listen to the others about rejecting him or cutting him off, stay friendly and learn about the rejection through back channels, and try not to castrate his masculinity in the same way that other girl did.

And yeah, you were second choice. But you are still around and are in his friend network, and you weren't his girlfriend yet. He's revaluating what he likes in terms of cost benifits of pursuing.

Look at it this way when it comes to second choices. Alot of fit attractive men settle down plain, slightly chubby women. Why, when they can clearly do better? They learn the higher competitive best choice women they could settle down with have extensive relationship risks. When chosing that lifelong relationship they step it down a couple of notches. These women, when the men were younger, wouldn't be their first choice of dating material, but it makes alot more sense after getting burned a few times to look for other qualities in a woman.

Itsjustsaline · 16-17, F

Hey.. I know how you feel it sucks being the second choice me and my ex was like that until I found out I was just a rebound.

in10RjFox · M

Looks like this is your first experience. So just move on and things are going to be like this all life.

It's just like job application interview rejection and you get a temp job and then next better one then permanent then getting retrenched and so on.

But if you don't wish this happens in future, don't give room to assumptions and dreams Be outspoken upfront and commit ..

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