My mom has NPD and I’m scared to go back home.

My mom has npd like examples of it. She’s nice and lovebombs me in text messages. Tells me to come back home to live, visit and I promise you if I came there tomorrow she would be nice maybe half the day. The. She would randomly yell at me. I’ll probably be sleeping on the floor so she can humiliate me and step over me while I’m sleeping. Her whole mood will change. She had me at 19 and she doesn’t see me as a daughter more like competition I called her for support about being abused by my ex even showed her my black eye, but she quickly reverts the topic back to her and how she’s graduating online college. I’m like aww that’s nice you get to graduate cause nobody kicked you out at 17 years old when you were in college, the miliatary and beauty school. Like she did me. I think she gets a kick out of knowing that my life is tuff right now. She’s taking care of my grandma who has dementia and I really want to see my grandma but I’m scared to go cause my mom will find a way to pick a fight with me and hurt my feelings. Also my mom found my step dad who pretends and enables her so if me and my mom fall out my step dad will say “what happen why did you just up and leave ? Did we do something wrong “ because the last time she was so bad I ran off with my ex husband and just left the state. Cause my mom was literally bullying mw and harassing me in text saying mean things to me, and calling me the b word. She is a bully and it’s funny because no matter how nice of a daughter I am and how careful I am with my words she will snap mid conversation. She’s the real mental patient.

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Mindful · 56-60, F

I’m glad you recognize these behaviors and attitudes in your mother. It must be very hard for you. I hope you are able to go to a thgwrapist.

I am a mother, and a daughter.

I don’t think you should have to endure her behavior. She is responsible for her choices. But as u said, she was 19 in a culture that only supports “wait till you are older to get married” Since you are a “problem” that turned out to be better stronger than she in life, and she is jealous of you (or that is how you see it) it is okay to remove yourself from her life. Vijsit her for half a day. Since that’s the only amount of time she can be kind. Or better yet, don’t engage at all. Encourage her to see a therapist. Herself. You can’t fix her obsessive thoughts…her jealousies… and you are wise to distance yourself from her.
But maybe she is bragging or consoling herself like older people do….when they say “ I had to walk thru the ice snow for miles when I went to school”

Lexiitexii · 31-35, F

@Mindful Yes it’s kinda scary and recruited my little brothers to gang up on bullying me. So I’ll be randomly hanging out with my mom then she will triangulate me against my brother.

Mindful · 56-60, F

@Lexiitexii she was too young and mentally unhealthy when she had you. Those are the thoughts of an immature person. She is proud of you but also resentful … it’s still unhealthy for you. You were wise to leave.

Lexiitexii · 31-35, F

@Mindful yes it’s still very annoying to still have to deal with at our big age like it’s not my fault she was bussing it open in college. I’m over it I just want a normal life. 😂😂😂 Sometimes I feel like God really hates me like really a mentally ill mom, and and absent father. Then my aunt told me maybe it’s a blessing my father was absent being that he had mental issues and child hood trauma too.

Mindful · 56-60, F

@Lexiitexii your aunt is right. Be as loving and accepting to your mom as a fellow human being. I have a sister like that. She is now 60 years old, and just now found a therapist that has helped her turn her thinking around. Now she is a blessing to me. I don’t have to avoid her anymore. But when she would ask me why I was avoiding her I was honest. Eventually we reached a place where she would be less insulting/jealous etc. and has become more mature but she sought our counseling because she wanted to better her relationships.

I wish the same for you, but only she can do it. We can’t change people but if they ask why, be honest, and drop the issue as quickly S possible. People tend to obsess and deflect until they are ready to understand.