love and grief

This is a little long. I just need to get things out of my chest. It's been a rough couple of months. I got through a 4 year relationship break up and felt free. I met this guy who reached out to me first online and we talked for months. Ngl I was a really sh1tty person before I met him. I got into the hook up culture, drank alcohol every night, smoked, and played with my life trying to cope from the break up. When I met him, he healed me and turned me into a better person and I was finally changing for the good. Until he became cold and distant. I barely got any replies anymore and our dates would always get cancelled and he wouldn't give me any explanation. Just disappear for hours then come back saying he's too tired of everything. I was very understanding. I knew he was still grieving, he'll forever be grieving. His girlfriend before me died and based on my research I think she actually committed... I made sure that he felt supported and loved. I cared for him so much but I just knew that he'd never be prepared to be with me. We promised each other that we'd wait until we're both ready but that wasn't fulfilled. He left me hanging one night in December. I waited for hours, days, weeks, and now it's February. I never got any closure nor goodbyes. Maybe some things are better off to not be talked about but I just wanna know why. I introduced him to my friends and family. I ditched my exams to be with him. I took money from my college funds to have a whole day with him. I'd pray for him and his past girlfriend every night. I even lit candles honoring her memory during all souls day. I even helped him with his studies. I made sure that he felt like he isn't going to lose another person in his life but I lost him instead. I know he is still very hurt from his past and that pain does not go away. I just don't know what I did to deserve to be a part of that pain as well.