AITA for getting upset at him?
LONG POST AHEAD!! PLEASE HELP!
So, there is a guy I've been seeing. We've been talking since December, and we get along really well and I really like him. He lives a few hours away, but we've met in person one time. We were both so nervous and constantly being watched by family and friends that it made for an uncomfortable first date. (We went to see a show, and my parents happened to have bought tickets for the same day, so they said hello. My best friend also wanted to meet him, so I invited her to spend some time with us.)
We facetime all the time, and he invited me to go to a show a few hours away over Spring Break. I said that I would love to, and we each bought our own ticket. We wanted to sit close, so the ticket I paid for ended up costing around $175. Because the show would end up getting out late and because I wanted to spend a few days in the area with some relatives who live there, I asked him if he'd be okay with just driving back home after the show, as he doesn't live nearly as far as I do. He said that was fine. The area that they show was held is about a 45 minute drive from my relatives house. He offered to pick me up from my relative's and we'd go there together to make it easier. He also conveyed that he had a lot of experience driving in the area. This worked a lot better for me, as I've been told that the area the show is taking place is hell to get to driving wise, and I'm not super used to driving in that area, but I could've made do if I had to. I was also told by relatives that the area of the city the show was in wasn't very safe, and they recommended we go together so I wouldn't have to walk in the area alone. I thought that sounded great, everything was settled.
Then, the next day, he tells me that his grandma (whom he lives with) wanted to tag along and see her husband's grave; so, they planned to get a hotel near my relative's and then they'd spend the night after the show and do their own thing the next day. (His grandma wouldn't accompany us to the show.) That was totally fine, it didn't matter to me. Then, the next day, he messages me and says
"I found a hotel near the venue."
I told him I was confused, as that wouldn't give him enough time to pick me up and drive back.
He then responds that I can simply drive to the hotel and park there and we could go to the show together. I conveyed to him that I wasn't super comfortable with that, as it would be driving in a very large city at rush hour fighting traffic to get there. Instead of listening to my concerns he responds with:
"If I can drive in (city that I live in) then you can drive in (much bigger city where the show is taking place.) For context, he lives in an INSANELY small town that has a pop. of about 1,000 people. He thought that driving in my city when he came to visit was super traffic heavy, and it's not. It's a suburban area that's not super traffic heavy compared to any of the other large surrounding cities. I tried to explain to him that it's not the same thing. It's not comparable. He insisted that I would be fine and to just go along with it.
I then asked why the location had changed, as he and his grandma were originally planning to stay near my relative's. It turns out his grandma had changed her mind and wanted to visit the mall the next day that was closer to the venue. I asked if he and his grandma could go another time, as I'd already spent almost $200 on tickets and it would be easier for both of us if we just did it the way we originally planned. He said he felt 'caught in the middle' and when he asked his grandma to go another time, she refused. I got frustrated, and then later called him asking him to explain.
He said that his grandma wasn't comfortable with him driving to the area either. (Which doesn't make sense if he's apparently comfortable and has experience doing it. Also, he's a grown adult.) His grandma also didn't like the idea of staying in a hotel near my relatives and driving into the city (about 45 minutes away) because she thought it was "too far" I got upset with him, and I asked him why he was changing his plans for his grandmother who wasn't even originally included in the plans in the first place. He and I made the plans together, and now I was expected to drive out of my way without being consulted. I told him that if he didn't want to pick me up, that was one thing. I understand that, I respect that. If that were the issue, I would have figured something out. He then kept stating that he was "going through a lot" and that he wasn't going to go to "make everyone happy." I told him that it didn't make ANYONE happy, and that it ruined both my plans and his grandmother's. I told him that I was now out almost $200, and couldn't get a refund. He didn't seem to care too much, or at least that's how I interpreted him saying "yeah" and then changing the subject. I later reiterated to him how I was upset that he gave up, didn't communicate plans with me, and didn't include his grandmother in the decision making from the beginning. He assured me it would never happen again and that he'll make it up to me. I don't know. I really do like him, but is it worth it? I'm still really upset at how he reacted and didn't support my feelings.
TLDR: A guy chose his grandma's plans over mine when she wasn't included in the plans in the first place, and then decided not to go to make everyone happy, leaving me out almost $200.
So, there is a guy I've been seeing. We've been talking since December, and we get along really well and I really like him. He lives a few hours away, but we've met in person one time. We were both so nervous and constantly being watched by family and friends that it made for an uncomfortable first date. (We went to see a show, and my parents happened to have bought tickets for the same day, so they said hello. My best friend also wanted to meet him, so I invited her to spend some time with us.)
We facetime all the time, and he invited me to go to a show a few hours away over Spring Break. I said that I would love to, and we each bought our own ticket. We wanted to sit close, so the ticket I paid for ended up costing around $175. Because the show would end up getting out late and because I wanted to spend a few days in the area with some relatives who live there, I asked him if he'd be okay with just driving back home after the show, as he doesn't live nearly as far as I do. He said that was fine. The area that they show was held is about a 45 minute drive from my relatives house. He offered to pick me up from my relative's and we'd go there together to make it easier. He also conveyed that he had a lot of experience driving in the area. This worked a lot better for me, as I've been told that the area the show is taking place is hell to get to driving wise, and I'm not super used to driving in that area, but I could've made do if I had to. I was also told by relatives that the area of the city the show was in wasn't very safe, and they recommended we go together so I wouldn't have to walk in the area alone. I thought that sounded great, everything was settled.
Then, the next day, he tells me that his grandma (whom he lives with) wanted to tag along and see her husband's grave; so, they planned to get a hotel near my relative's and then they'd spend the night after the show and do their own thing the next day. (His grandma wouldn't accompany us to the show.) That was totally fine, it didn't matter to me. Then, the next day, he messages me and says
"I found a hotel near the venue."
I told him I was confused, as that wouldn't give him enough time to pick me up and drive back.
He then responds that I can simply drive to the hotel and park there and we could go to the show together. I conveyed to him that I wasn't super comfortable with that, as it would be driving in a very large city at rush hour fighting traffic to get there. Instead of listening to my concerns he responds with:
"If I can drive in (city that I live in) then you can drive in (much bigger city where the show is taking place.) For context, he lives in an INSANELY small town that has a pop. of about 1,000 people. He thought that driving in my city when he came to visit was super traffic heavy, and it's not. It's a suburban area that's not super traffic heavy compared to any of the other large surrounding cities. I tried to explain to him that it's not the same thing. It's not comparable. He insisted that I would be fine and to just go along with it.
I then asked why the location had changed, as he and his grandma were originally planning to stay near my relative's. It turns out his grandma had changed her mind and wanted to visit the mall the next day that was closer to the venue. I asked if he and his grandma could go another time, as I'd already spent almost $200 on tickets and it would be easier for both of us if we just did it the way we originally planned. He said he felt 'caught in the middle' and when he asked his grandma to go another time, she refused. I got frustrated, and then later called him asking him to explain.
He said that his grandma wasn't comfortable with him driving to the area either. (Which doesn't make sense if he's apparently comfortable and has experience doing it. Also, he's a grown adult.) His grandma also didn't like the idea of staying in a hotel near my relatives and driving into the city (about 45 minutes away) because she thought it was "too far" I got upset with him, and I asked him why he was changing his plans for his grandmother who wasn't even originally included in the plans in the first place. He and I made the plans together, and now I was expected to drive out of my way without being consulted. I told him that if he didn't want to pick me up, that was one thing. I understand that, I respect that. If that were the issue, I would have figured something out. He then kept stating that he was "going through a lot" and that he wasn't going to go to "make everyone happy." I told him that it didn't make ANYONE happy, and that it ruined both my plans and his grandmother's. I told him that I was now out almost $200, and couldn't get a refund. He didn't seem to care too much, or at least that's how I interpreted him saying "yeah" and then changing the subject. I later reiterated to him how I was upset that he gave up, didn't communicate plans with me, and didn't include his grandmother in the decision making from the beginning. He assured me it would never happen again and that he'll make it up to me. I don't know. I really do like him, but is it worth it? I'm still really upset at how he reacted and didn't support my feelings.
TLDR: A guy chose his grandma's plans over mine when she wasn't included in the plans in the first place, and then decided not to go to make everyone happy, leaving me out almost $200.
26-30, F
