I don't really know how relationships go so help???

I was talking about how I'm gonna get a job and my boyfriend said if I work I'll only need to for 1-2 months because in 1-2 months he'll be making good money and will send me stuff. I was like aw that's nice but I can get it myself. Then he was like no you can get it for yourself but you're not supposed to, you're my girl. I was saying that's sweet but its better if I work for myself. Then he was saying no you're my responsibility. You'll be taken care of as long as you're my girl, that's not up for debate😊. Again I said no and he said he feels worthless when he doesn't provide for me or protect me, that he doesn't feel like a man. I don't want him to provide for me I feel wayyy too guilty and I don't understand why he wants to 'provide for me'😩 How do I get him to listen because I also want a job because it's nice to be productive

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greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

You are not married to him. You have not even said you are engaged. He has no traditional role as your supporter. You have the right to decide to support yourself. Just tell him you would feel better having a job and earning your own money. If he says that is not open for debate, please read the Pre Incident Indicators from the book [i]The Gift of Fear[/i] by Gavin DeBecker. Or read the book itself. One of the most serious signs of an abusive person is the unwillingness to take No for an answer. If you go online you will find an outline of the PINS from the book or you can also find them on Gavin DeBecker's website. DeBecker is a world class threat assessment expert who works with famous people, movie stars and government security agencies. His threat assessment system for law enforcement, VICAP, is used by the FBI as well as the CIA. And from my own personal experience, he is an excellent source of information.

Tell your boyfriend you love him, and he is a manly enough guy without supporting you. Tell him you really need the satisfaction of supporting yourself. Tell him he can buy you gifts and take you on romantic weekends and vacations but you will be covering your own living expenses. And if he doesn't accept that, read DeBecker's book or read about the PINS and think very carefully about further involvement with a guy who could be way too controlling.

Itsprincess · 22-25, F

Oh okay I understand. If he keeps saying no then I'll see. Thank you I'll do that:)