Closing the door
Sometimes it is hard in the moment to find the right things to say. Or maybe you think you say the right things, and over time as one reads, re-reads, and continues to pour over and analyze your words - the things you say lose meaning or twist your intentions.
It was for the best. Things were moving fast, and they were moving fast in a way that should not be. I am the one to blame, honestly. I tried to be there in an hour of need and instead I let myself get wrapped up and drunk in the moment. Unintentionally, this was me taking advantage of that person. But I was too drunk to realize this and let myself be swept away.
It was only when I was able to take a step back, sober up, and really see what was happening to realize that this was not healthy. It was not healthy for either of us. It needed to end before we were both carried to a decision that could not be undone and we would regret. Things should not move that fast, not under these circumstances.
I live by a code, and I try to keep to that code as best as I can. Me filling that spot under those circumstances is taking advantage of the situation, and I can't do that. Especially considering the consequences of moving with such reckless speed. I ended it with as much compassion as I could, and I did not levy any harsh words or criticisms intentionally. No harsh words were deserved or warranted. But it cannot continue, it is doing neither of us any favors and only papering over the void, not filling it.
But if it is easier to paint me as a Machiavellian villain because that role needs to be filled, fine. I can't stop that if that is something needed to direct the negative energy to. I admit I should have known better and been stronger, I own up to that. But that is also why I needed to take a step back for both of us in order to make it right again.
It was for the best. Things were moving fast, and they were moving fast in a way that should not be. I am the one to blame, honestly. I tried to be there in an hour of need and instead I let myself get wrapped up and drunk in the moment. Unintentionally, this was me taking advantage of that person. But I was too drunk to realize this and let myself be swept away.
It was only when I was able to take a step back, sober up, and really see what was happening to realize that this was not healthy. It was not healthy for either of us. It needed to end before we were both carried to a decision that could not be undone and we would regret. Things should not move that fast, not under these circumstances.
I live by a code, and I try to keep to that code as best as I can. Me filling that spot under those circumstances is taking advantage of the situation, and I can't do that. Especially considering the consequences of moving with such reckless speed. I ended it with as much compassion as I could, and I did not levy any harsh words or criticisms intentionally. No harsh words were deserved or warranted. But it cannot continue, it is doing neither of us any favors and only papering over the void, not filling it.
But if it is easier to paint me as a Machiavellian villain because that role needs to be filled, fine. I can't stop that if that is something needed to direct the negative energy to. I admit I should have known better and been stronger, I own up to that. But that is also why I needed to take a step back for both of us in order to make it right again.
