For me by me... a reminder!!!
I realise that the issues I had with you was based upon a lack of communication.
I was incredibly hurt by you because I always felt rejected.
You worked long hours because you had a lifestyle that you wanted to lead. I never begrudged you for the material things you liked. I just disliked you showing off mostly because its annoying. especially when you felt the need to buy things I had actually introduced you to. Those things don't impress me and I liked you when you had nothing.
What I disliked was that all you felt able to offer me was s*x.
My birthday, xmas, valentines day would come and you would be absent.
You didn't mind receiving gifts but didn't like giving them especially once you was earning more. Even a card would have been nice since we were "saving".
Maybe because we split so much and had no one to rely on you learned to be so selfish that you forgot what it meant to be kind, but I was always there for you, you just tried to use me a your personal piggy bank. I always assess my finances based upon want and need. So why should I pay up for something I don't want to see any benefit in, use your own cash for that.
I didn't appreciate that in you, or your desire to keep trying or bully me into doing what you want.
Anyways, you treated me like i was stupid.
I knew that you were tired and I knew that you worked hard, I had even said i was proud of you for coming as far as you had, it wasn't patronising it was my way of saying that i respected the struggle and your come up.
Your is job was physical and draining but you failed to understand that mine was just as tiring.
You didn't take into account that I work 3 days, was able to handle the rent, bills and save, whilst studying and at that time care for my dad, take him out for day trips and still maintain a sound mind.
You begrudged that I was doing that on a 3 day a week pay scale.
I'm not rich but he always seemed to think I had some kind of a trust fund or something, and it really bothered me.
I felt like his failure to include me in any social activity was his way of punishing me for being "stable".
I have come to the conclusion that you didn't have good intentions for me and because of that, that is why everything was always an obstacle. we didn't really have relationship issues, because I'm a really straightforward person.
Meaning that if you say to me I'm going to be busy until we save x amount of money I would hope that on a monthly basis we would be putting money into an account and just making sure we are keeping on that path maybe find ways to save more if we need to or spend some if we feel a little burnt out.
It's all about give and take.
But we didn't have that we had you snapping, making and breaking plans, calling me lazy for have a lay in on my day off, him s*xting and not wanting to have regular conversations, any playful argument- resulted in me being called irritating and him hanging up on me.
I would ask you often when I Could see you because i loved and missed you, I wasn't looking to get pregnant at the moment and all i wanted to do was cook you dinner and look after you on your hard days, but you rejected that.
The only time you seemed to be interested was when you was distracting me from my path asking me to get on board having a 3s*m and finding a candidate to participate in this with me.
so I can only say that you didn't like me enough or had someone else.
Right now all i want is to stop feeling this pain.
when i look back i can see that in reality I didn't invest that much in you. I just wasted my time. With hindsight all we have are a few photos that I sneakily took and didn't delete at your request.
because you often rejected them.
so I have to conclude that I want to be with someone that wants to be with me.
I know what its like to be with a person that is doing all the right things but you just don't feel the same.
And well i guess i was that person for you.
I think this will haunt me until i meet someone else, as boring as this may be to anyone listening i need to remember the pain, because i used to follow the advice in the past of just forget about it and move on, but i would make the same mistakes sticking at something mostly because i was afraid of trying again with someone new.
I was incredibly hurt by you because I always felt rejected.
You worked long hours because you had a lifestyle that you wanted to lead. I never begrudged you for the material things you liked. I just disliked you showing off mostly because its annoying. especially when you felt the need to buy things I had actually introduced you to. Those things don't impress me and I liked you when you had nothing.
What I disliked was that all you felt able to offer me was s*x.
My birthday, xmas, valentines day would come and you would be absent.
You didn't mind receiving gifts but didn't like giving them especially once you was earning more. Even a card would have been nice since we were "saving".
Maybe because we split so much and had no one to rely on you learned to be so selfish that you forgot what it meant to be kind, but I was always there for you, you just tried to use me a your personal piggy bank. I always assess my finances based upon want and need. So why should I pay up for something I don't want to see any benefit in, use your own cash for that.
I didn't appreciate that in you, or your desire to keep trying or bully me into doing what you want.
Anyways, you treated me like i was stupid.
I knew that you were tired and I knew that you worked hard, I had even said i was proud of you for coming as far as you had, it wasn't patronising it was my way of saying that i respected the struggle and your come up.
Your is job was physical and draining but you failed to understand that mine was just as tiring.
You didn't take into account that I work 3 days, was able to handle the rent, bills and save, whilst studying and at that time care for my dad, take him out for day trips and still maintain a sound mind.
You begrudged that I was doing that on a 3 day a week pay scale.
I'm not rich but he always seemed to think I had some kind of a trust fund or something, and it really bothered me.
I felt like his failure to include me in any social activity was his way of punishing me for being "stable".
I have come to the conclusion that you didn't have good intentions for me and because of that, that is why everything was always an obstacle. we didn't really have relationship issues, because I'm a really straightforward person.
Meaning that if you say to me I'm going to be busy until we save x amount of money I would hope that on a monthly basis we would be putting money into an account and just making sure we are keeping on that path maybe find ways to save more if we need to or spend some if we feel a little burnt out.
It's all about give and take.
But we didn't have that we had you snapping, making and breaking plans, calling me lazy for have a lay in on my day off, him s*xting and not wanting to have regular conversations, any playful argument- resulted in me being called irritating and him hanging up on me.
I would ask you often when I Could see you because i loved and missed you, I wasn't looking to get pregnant at the moment and all i wanted to do was cook you dinner and look after you on your hard days, but you rejected that.
The only time you seemed to be interested was when you was distracting me from my path asking me to get on board having a 3s*m and finding a candidate to participate in this with me.
so I can only say that you didn't like me enough or had someone else.
Right now all i want is to stop feeling this pain.
when i look back i can see that in reality I didn't invest that much in you. I just wasted my time. With hindsight all we have are a few photos that I sneakily took and didn't delete at your request.
because you often rejected them.
so I have to conclude that I want to be with someone that wants to be with me.
I know what its like to be with a person that is doing all the right things but you just don't feel the same.
And well i guess i was that person for you.
I think this will haunt me until i meet someone else, as boring as this may be to anyone listening i need to remember the pain, because i used to follow the advice in the past of just forget about it and move on, but i would make the same mistakes sticking at something mostly because i was afraid of trying again with someone new.
