Do bullies remember the people they bullied years later as a adult?

I was bullied really bad in Highschool someone made up a rumor that I was pregnant. Girl would try to beat me up and a guy acted like he liked me but on the last day of school he quit talking to me and told me everyone in the whole school thought I was weird. I’m just happy I made it I didn’t even think of hurting my selfing or ending my life I just was so strong in Highschool and idk how. It’s like I was stronger as a teenager than I was in my 20s. I’m watching a show on Netflix called 13 reasons why about a girl who was bullied in Highschool and I just wonder with all these anti bullying shows and promotions out now do my bullies remember me. ? After Highschool and into my 20s I started to come out my shell but I feel into a deep depression I still saw the girl in Highschool for a very long time. I even lost a lot of people that loved me for me because I couldn’t let go. I waited until after Highschool to deal with the abuse at home and school so I spent my 20s acting stupid and doing all the things maybe kids in Highschool got out their system. I also spent a lot of money on better clothes and things I couldn’t afford in Highschool. I am almost 30 and now I’m clean of depression and now I’m cleaning up the mess that was left from the depression.

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Eshrdlu · 61-69, F

I can fully identify with your story because I did exactly the same. I'm twice your age. Your bullies remember you. They remember you because they have seen you have succeeded, where they failed to convince you that you were less than you've become.

Notes about bullying — in my case, my bullies have bragged that they know me, often decades after we graduated from high school. And when they've bumped into me in public, they've reacted to me as if we were "best friends" back in high school. We weren't, but I prefer to show grace and walk away without conflict. Some tried to date me after high school, and... of course I said no. It always felt as if my former bullies wanted to take credit for my successes. I believe this is true.

It's always struck me in the above situations, my former bullies were always sincere, as bullies appear to believe that bullying others is a human connection, and you might have been the only successful connection they have ever had.

Without significant psychological recalibration and efforts to gain serious personal insights, they will always be bullies. These are the only successful connections they've ever had.

Very proud of you for wondering this question. This is a particularly important question for bullying victims to ask themselves. In the event you were quietly thinking of proving to bullies that you overcame them: if you want to remain healthy, do not try to prove you are successful to any bully either for psychological vindication or revenge seeking (you probably wouldn't, but many, many bullying victims do, which is trauma — a post hoc response that sometimes plays on repeat when the victims are feeling insecure or having doubts. Acting out on that very real desire to have 'done this' or 'said that' when it was happening only perpetuates a very damaging connection from your past.

Your bullies *want* you to want to prove them wrong or try to get revenge. They *want* you to remember them forever. Why? You validate their existence. You were one of the only successful connections they ever made with another human (or humans).

I'm overall proud of you, as a fellow survivor. This is a lifelong learning process. The most important things in life are sometimes the most difficult to achieve.