He isn’t very assertive....

I’m having trouble because this guy I’ve been talking to is a very sweet and awesome dude but....he isn’t very assertive? Like he’s not confident enough in himself to flirt with me or initiate a conversation or maybe when don’t talk for a minute hit me up and ask how I’m doing...it makes me feel like he isn’t interested or he doesn’t care. He comments on some of my pictures and that’s what usually starts a conversation between us but it’s never out of the blue like “hey just thinking about you” or what have you....
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Also Yesterday he was suppose to call me and we were texting before that and out of the blue he just says “okay talk to you later.” And I said “okay :)” and he just threw the peace sign at me and never called me....like wtf did I do?
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Not gonna lie that kinda hurt my feelings but it’s whatever. My sister says maybe he had something come up but don’t you think he could’ve at least communicated that to me? Like “hey sorry I’m gonna have to call you another night” or something just at least so I’m not over here thinking it’s my fault....
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The other day he was telling me about how Valentine’s Day sucked for him because he was alone so I flirtingly told him I wouldn’t mind being his valentine....just shit like that I’m always initiating and tbh it makes me feel so stupid after he pulls shit like this. Maybe I shouldn’t be assertive. Maybe I should just leave him alone. I’m more straightforward than he is and maybe that’s because he’s shy but I don’t wanna be making excuses for him. You either like me or you don’t. Maybe I should just fall back.

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SW-User

I stopped chasing men. If they want you, they'll let you know for sure.

Reciprocate his attention if you feel it too, but what they say is true of everyone...If they want to, they'll find a way.

WildernessWriterExplorer · 31-35, M

@SW-User Sometimes a shy person shows subtle clues because they simply don't know how to communicate with the opposite sex. You never know you may have missed out on a lot of good men because they reached out to you subtly and you decided you weren't going to chase and he lost interest.

SW-User

@WildernessWriterExplorer having been with a lot of good men, both shy and assertive, my perspective is, if they are so shy that they cannot or will not put in the effort- they are not what I want. Feeling like you have to make all the effort ruins relationships. It has to go both ways and until and unless he is able to put in the effort, I will always pass.

Sb356 · 26-30, F

@SW-User Lots of good points on both sides this is hard lol

SW-User

@Sb356 ultimately, you do what makes you happy. If he is that shy, talk to him. I know for me, I would have to wonder what his effort will be like down the road if he won't put it in now. That is a no from me, but I'm not you.

WildernessWriterExplorer · 31-35, M

@SW-User But what if you only had to put effort into the first few months? After he has her confidence up you won't believe how this can make a person change when they feel valued.

Sb356 · 26-30, F

@WildernessWriterExplorer but how am I supposed to do that? How do you help someone open up like that? I know it can be difficult. I complement him and he gets all flustered and such.

SW-User

@WildernessWriterExplorer There is no guarantee he will start putting effort in. I can't tell the future. I can only go on the past and present. I am just not willing to waste my time on waiting and hoping someone will change. I deserve effort now.

WildernessWriterExplorer · 31-35, M

@Sb356 Nothing has to be difficult in life it's all about the approach. For instance if you need to climb a mountain you don't just run up it. Approach him directly. Ask him how he'd feel about going on a romantic date with him. From there you will see the obstacle in the journey and the map will form so you're not just going at it blindly.

WildernessWriterExplorer · 31-35, M

@SW-User Maybe. But there is nothing about the present that ensures the future either. For instance plenty of relationships start out with deep love and devotion only for them to end years and years down the road bitter and uninterested.