Help!! I think I am inhabiting my ex habits subconsciously!
So I had a crush when I was 13
I fell in love with my neighbor
I was crazy about him not kidding
Like I used feel his presence as weird as that sound I literally could tell, I would be walking somewhere and something in my heart tells me he is there and it never failed , could tell his voice from far I still remember his perfume anyway that had a long story but for about 4 years I had been with him once and it didn't work out we ended but I still loved him and then I moved and for a whole year I didn't think of him and then slowly I realized I still love him and the thing is he isn't as good as he presented himself I know that now I knew this 4 years ago he played me and proved to me that everything I fall for isn't true and it's an act , however for the sack of this not being so long I won't get into details anyway in October was the day he hurt me so bad and I felt things for him again and I just wanted to show myself that he is really playing
So I called him and dated him for a bit and saw how crazy he is
And we ended things and it was over I was happy I showed myself exactly how he plays me and done
However today I realized that I became influenced by him like I suddenly like his favourite colour , I sleep at his sleeping schedule , I eat healthy which I never did , just alot of shit he does and I became influenced by other bad things too like my relationship with God and my family both became lousy after I left him the second time and like I don't is this my way of blaming my bad mood and unsuccess on him or I some weirdo and I mean his isn't that handsome why can't I let him go and like why I have him in my subconscious like this why I am doing his things what's going on do I love him or what is this I always feel like I am in control and I don't care about him then I find myself like this and I know what you might say but he isn't doing anything to influence me he doesn't contact me when we leave not that much and he doesn't force himself in or out in my life I am doing all this shit he isn't doing nothing
I fell in love with my neighbor
I was crazy about him not kidding
Like I used feel his presence as weird as that sound I literally could tell, I would be walking somewhere and something in my heart tells me he is there and it never failed , could tell his voice from far I still remember his perfume anyway that had a long story but for about 4 years I had been with him once and it didn't work out we ended but I still loved him and then I moved and for a whole year I didn't think of him and then slowly I realized I still love him and the thing is he isn't as good as he presented himself I know that now I knew this 4 years ago he played me and proved to me that everything I fall for isn't true and it's an act , however for the sack of this not being so long I won't get into details anyway in October was the day he hurt me so bad and I felt things for him again and I just wanted to show myself that he is really playing
So I called him and dated him for a bit and saw how crazy he is
And we ended things and it was over I was happy I showed myself exactly how he plays me and done
However today I realized that I became influenced by him like I suddenly like his favourite colour , I sleep at his sleeping schedule , I eat healthy which I never did , just alot of shit he does and I became influenced by other bad things too like my relationship with God and my family both became lousy after I left him the second time and like I don't is this my way of blaming my bad mood and unsuccess on him or I some weirdo and I mean his isn't that handsome why can't I let him go and like why I have him in my subconscious like this why I am doing his things what's going on do I love him or what is this I always feel like I am in control and I don't care about him then I find myself like this and I know what you might say but he isn't doing anything to influence me he doesn't contact me when we leave not that much and he doesn't force himself in or out in my life I am doing all this shit he isn't doing nothing
22-25, F