Why is it when people start relationships with someone who has a certain type of job, they end up wanting them to leave said job?

For example, X has been a cop before meeting Y, but after they get into a relationship or married, Y wants X to give up that job?

You got him/her in that particular profession, why demand a change afterwards?

Do you think it's fair?

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SW-User

I feel like it depends on the type of job. There are some where it would be reasonable. Like after you have kids and it ain't just about the both of you anymore. The lives and wellbeing of your children would probably mean more to you than your job. It's manipulative when you're just starting out and the conditions of your relationship are the same. The person basically signed up for it. But things change in your environment and in your life that make it so that you really don't want your partner to be in certain situations. You may be fine with dating a soldier until 10 years later when you have two kids and a war has just broken out. That said, I wouldn't really think it would be fair if it was a job that a person has spent their entire life studying for and that they're very passionate about. That's just kinda heartless.

iMystery · M

@SW-User I was waiting for someone to mention the "kids coming along afterwards" scenario.

In those cases I would say having kids should be a discussion even before marriage/long term partnership, which should then have included the impact a certain profession might have on that desire to have kids 🤔.

SW-User

@iMystery Kids aren't always a part of the plan. I don't know if you've ever been in a commited, long term relationship, but a lot of people don't really go in thinking they'll be having kids right away, and if they do discuss it, they might think they don't want any at the time and change their mind later on in their lives. That's the thing with long term relationships. You both change with each other. You obviously won't want the same things you wanted at 20 when you're 37, and there's no way to account for that before starting the relationship.

And either way, I would think most people wouldn't just leave someone that they have a connection with because of a future possibility that may not even come to fruition. It's like me leaving my boyfriend now because I want a big house and he wants a small one. It's obvious that if you care for each other, a compromise is going to be made, so you don't really need to worry about it before it happens.

Anyways, family planning isn't exactly top priority for young couples. Doesn't matter what conversation "should have happened" if it wasn't a priority at the time. Perhaps people unwilling to change their career for their kids shouldn't be in a relationship. When you have children, it isn't about you or what you want anymore. It isn't about conversations you may or may not have had with your partner, and you can't turn back the clock and just choose not to be together. At that point, you need to make decisions for your family. Doesn't matter how the relationship started out.