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Let me make some side comments about, based in experience.
The NO word is, in most of cases, not enough said by not saying YES. The NO should be clear, firm, not negotiable THERE, where things happen and also necessarily outside your own mind.
When you put your priority in whatever else different to the NO (like avoiding conflict, peace of mind or the "redemption" of that other described people), your NO will NOT work.
That also means that saying "I don´t care of what others think" means "I dont care if the take my ass as long as I look elsewhere". So, own "don´t cares" are just anesthesia for what will anyhow happen.
The NO don´t need to be an explicit ultimatum.
But the message of that some things wouldn´t be tollerated not even twice NEED to me part of the message in some way.
Your NO, to work, in a sense should be inconditional (for you, not negotiable under no foreseable conditions or excuses).
In the other unavoidable sense, conditional: "IF you go on trying, there will be results that you will like FAR LESS than
doing it even one more time".
And prepaired to make it true.
And, finally, if you don´t want to do this cos haves some kind of cost...recognice that (NO MATTER your intentions), your pretended NO is really a YES, an invitation.
Of course, those are just personal opinions, but ones I stand for.
The NO word is, in most of cases, not enough said by not saying YES. The NO should be clear, firm, not negotiable THERE, where things happen and also necessarily outside your own mind.
When you put your priority in whatever else different to the NO (like avoiding conflict, peace of mind or the "redemption" of that other described people), your NO will NOT work.
That also means that saying "I don´t care of what others think" means "I dont care if the take my ass as long as I look elsewhere". So, own "don´t cares" are just anesthesia for what will anyhow happen.
The NO don´t need to be an explicit ultimatum.
But the message of that some things wouldn´t be tollerated not even twice NEED to me part of the message in some way.
Your NO, to work, in a sense should be inconditional (for you, not negotiable under no foreseable conditions or excuses).
In the other unavoidable sense, conditional: "IF you go on trying, there will be results that you will like FAR LESS than
doing it even one more time".
And prepaired to make it true.
And, finally, if you don´t want to do this cos haves some kind of cost...recognice that (NO MATTER your intentions), your pretended NO is really a YES, an invitation.
Of course, those are just personal opinions, but ones I stand for.
CharlieZ · 70-79, M
@Kwek00 Thank you K.
A coffee will be appreciated by when docs allow me it again.
My training works and is working good enough.
If sometimes failed or fail is only when I care for people whom not always appreciate it enough.
But enough ends being enough at some point.
Some shrinks warn us that neurotics don´t cope well with ambiguity.
For some reason they forget to say that allowing ambiguity to rule is one of the signs of more serious disorders.
A coffee will be appreciated by when docs allow me it again.
My training works and is working good enough.
If sometimes failed or fail is only when I care for people whom not always appreciate it enough.
But enough ends being enough at some point.
Some shrinks warn us that neurotics don´t cope well with ambiguity.
For some reason they forget to say that allowing ambiguity to rule is one of the signs of more serious disorders.