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Is he a narcissist or suffer from Aspergers?

I am talking to a guy who is one of the only guys I haven’t been able to figure out. He is so confusing. When we first met, he was head over heels for me, to the point where it was almost too much. He’d write me essays everyday about his feelings for me etc. He was super sweet and sent me flowers. On one of our dates he mentioned to me that his father made him go to the shrink a couple times because he thought he had Aspergers. He never confirmed if he did or not and I didn’t want to ask or make a big deal of it. He says he doesn’t believe in labels. He seems normal to me, but is a little odd in some ways but none that would make me for sure know he was on the spectrum. However, he does seem to lack empathy and even admits to it. However, with me he shows so much feelings (when he’s in the mood). He is very cold to the world and doesn’t care about other people’s feelings. The world seems to revolve around him in his mind, where he is the only thing that matters. He suffers anxiety and ADD, and I think depression as well. Hes got a drinking problem now that he blames on being deployed in Cuba because he can’t stand the place. He’s also very impulsive and will obsess over something for a while and then drop it and lose interest. Anyways, after 2 months of him being over the top into me, he started being the opposite towards me, more cold and matter of fact. A complete 180. He wasn’t mean or didn’t stop talking to me, it just was more dry than before and he blames it on the stress. Every now and then he will get in random moods again where he’s super into me like at the beginning but they only last a couple of days then he’s back to being distant and cold. It’s so confusing how someone can say they feel a way about u and act that way towards u and then the next day act like they never meant any of that. Again, he blames the stress and his irritation with the place he’s staying over seas, he says he doesn’t mean to take it out on me. I can’t seem to tell if he really does have Aspergers or if it’s just narcissism. He also, has a lot of hate for other people and doesn’t like to socialize or being in loud crowded places. He’s very blunt and rude to others and doesnt care. He has a few friends but not many and doesn’t like to socialize much. What do you guys think?
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LookingForIt987 · 51-55, M
I'm not an expert in either, but it doesn't sound to me like Asperger's. If it was, he wouldn't be able to show emotion / empathy toward you; it would be consistent - he would treat you the same as he treats others. So, my uneducated guess is that he's not dealing with Asperger's.

I'm not going to rule out narcissist. I think you have a pretty good guess there, to be honest. The behavior you describe fits the general pattern pretty well. In the long-term, everything is all about the narcissist; that means that in the short term, he's capable of doing things to "woo" you and bring you in. Over time, those endearing things will mostly end - they'll "flash" up once in a while, simply to keep you hooked. But other than those flashes, it becomes all about him. A narcissist can do no wrong in their own eyes - everything is always somebody else's fault.

If he's not a narcissist, he's definitely an abuser from what you describe. So your best course of action, quite honestly, is run - not walk - away now. When you do, expect drama. Because either way, he needs you to be there - either for him to abuse, or to put down so he feels better (which is it's own form of abuse, honestly). Ride out the drama, and eventually he'll move on to another person.
Moraguea · 26-30, F
Yeah that’s why I couldn’t say he had Aspergers because he’s actuslly very good at expressing emotion when he wants to. He hasn’t put me down or being mean or unkind to me yet. But I can definitely see what you’re saying. @LookingForIt987