Valentine’s Day 2019
I’ve wanted for so long to fill the void. I always thought a boyfriend would solve all of my problems...that is until, I did some deep thinking and thought down to the root of my “problems”.
Anxiety would still seep, insomnia would still creep. My emotional traumas and scars would still haunt me, even if I had a boyfriend.
Something I’m starting to realize is that they may never even stop haunting me. I just need to learn how to adjust and adapt.
This past February, I was thought I’d find myself in yet another emotional slump. Another holiday based around the love and affection that I was missing out on (Still do.)
Something that was very prominent in my life but somehow it also wasn’t. My family was around, physically. I can remember fondly, being spoiled with affection from my grandparents...But somewhere under the surface something was disconnected. Something along the way...later on in my adolescence, I constantly felt abandoned and ignored and adapted passive aggressive and angsty behaviors. ( Still don’t really know why. I just thankfully accept the fact that my dark period has passed.)
It’s like These connections that I was constantly failing to create, these relationships that I could never make or keep, and the constant feeling of alienation forced me to do 10 years worth of soul searching and healing. I’m not totally religious but a little spiritual so maybe the universe was trying to guide me to the right path. Or at least, one with a little more clarity.
That day: February 14, 2019
I found myself alone but only for a minute. I enjoyed my Valentine’s Day by doing something I loved. Maybe not with a special someone but something that was special to me. And that’s all that mattered...
I made friends that day. I made connections. I had a fantastic day and I didn’t feel alone. That was the only time I can remember not dreading a Valentine’s Day. And so I thought “valentines day doesn’t have to be spent with your stupid boyfriend.” And it wasn’t.
Because I made friends that day.
Maybe this is all so dumb but it means a lot to me.
Anxiety would still seep, insomnia would still creep. My emotional traumas and scars would still haunt me, even if I had a boyfriend.
Something I’m starting to realize is that they may never even stop haunting me. I just need to learn how to adjust and adapt.
This past February, I was thought I’d find myself in yet another emotional slump. Another holiday based around the love and affection that I was missing out on (Still do.)
Something that was very prominent in my life but somehow it also wasn’t. My family was around, physically. I can remember fondly, being spoiled with affection from my grandparents...But somewhere under the surface something was disconnected. Something along the way...later on in my adolescence, I constantly felt abandoned and ignored and adapted passive aggressive and angsty behaviors. ( Still don’t really know why. I just thankfully accept the fact that my dark period has passed.)
It’s like These connections that I was constantly failing to create, these relationships that I could never make or keep, and the constant feeling of alienation forced me to do 10 years worth of soul searching and healing. I’m not totally religious but a little spiritual so maybe the universe was trying to guide me to the right path. Or at least, one with a little more clarity.
That day: February 14, 2019
I found myself alone but only for a minute. I enjoyed my Valentine’s Day by doing something I loved. Maybe not with a special someone but something that was special to me. And that’s all that mattered...
I made friends that day. I made connections. I had a fantastic day and I didn’t feel alone. That was the only time I can remember not dreading a Valentine’s Day. And so I thought “valentines day doesn’t have to be spent with your stupid boyfriend.” And it wasn’t.
Because I made friends that day.
Maybe this is all so dumb but it means a lot to me.
