How to confront this without sounding needy?
Okay I’ll give a backstory, followed by my concerns.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. He is the kindest person I’ve ever known. While we have had some challenges, we rarely fight and when we’re together we are amazing... total chemistry. We are both serious about each other.
However, about a month ago he moved 40 minutes out of town (I also live out of town, with my parents. Opposite direction.) Right after the move, he was called out of town for work for 2 weeks straight. He’s home for about 4 days and then leaves again for another 2 weeks (to go to a wedding. I was unable to go with him, but was invited).
I’ve seen him twice since the move. Both times, we’ve gone on dates, and have been better than ever... I appreciate the extra effort, of course. However, I have not been to his new place yet. We haven’t been physically intimate or even cuddled in over a month!
He says his new place is not nice, that the appliances don’t work well, and that it’s messy and smells like smoke. I would NEVER judge but he sounds self conscious. He seems to be avoiding taking me there.
In addition to this, he has a new room mate, Ben. Ben... kinda complicated. Ben broke my boyfriend and his ex fiancee up (ex fiancee was apparently toxic, my boyfriend listened to Ben and blames himself completely.) Ben also smokes a lot, and I’ve never met Ben. But of course, there’s the doubt that what happened with my boyfriend’s ex and Ben could happen to us too.
In the past 4 days that he’s been home, he has been getting high almost every day as well as considering drinking- because Ben wants to. I feel super uninvolved in his life at the moment. My boyfriend takes hours to respond and it’s not like him to be high all the time. I have no idea what his life at his new home is like, or what he’s doing.
I’m not really sure how to confront any of this without sounding suspicious or needy. I don’t know Ben. I’m concerned. My boyfriend and I haven’t been fighting, and we still say goodnight as per usual (I love you etc), but I’ve noticed a change in him, as well as my own feelings of feeling uninvolved. The lack of intimacy is worrying me.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. He is the kindest person I’ve ever known. While we have had some challenges, we rarely fight and when we’re together we are amazing... total chemistry. We are both serious about each other.
However, about a month ago he moved 40 minutes out of town (I also live out of town, with my parents. Opposite direction.) Right after the move, he was called out of town for work for 2 weeks straight. He’s home for about 4 days and then leaves again for another 2 weeks (to go to a wedding. I was unable to go with him, but was invited).
I’ve seen him twice since the move. Both times, we’ve gone on dates, and have been better than ever... I appreciate the extra effort, of course. However, I have not been to his new place yet. We haven’t been physically intimate or even cuddled in over a month!
He says his new place is not nice, that the appliances don’t work well, and that it’s messy and smells like smoke. I would NEVER judge but he sounds self conscious. He seems to be avoiding taking me there.
In addition to this, he has a new room mate, Ben. Ben... kinda complicated. Ben broke my boyfriend and his ex fiancee up (ex fiancee was apparently toxic, my boyfriend listened to Ben and blames himself completely.) Ben also smokes a lot, and I’ve never met Ben. But of course, there’s the doubt that what happened with my boyfriend’s ex and Ben could happen to us too.
In the past 4 days that he’s been home, he has been getting high almost every day as well as considering drinking- because Ben wants to. I feel super uninvolved in his life at the moment. My boyfriend takes hours to respond and it’s not like him to be high all the time. I have no idea what his life at his new home is like, or what he’s doing.
I’m not really sure how to confront any of this without sounding suspicious or needy. I don’t know Ben. I’m concerned. My boyfriend and I haven’t been fighting, and we still say goodnight as per usual (I love you etc), but I’ve noticed a change in him, as well as my own feelings of feeling uninvolved. The lack of intimacy is worrying me.
22-25, F
