Is my relationship bad?
I have been together with my boyfriend for 6 years. We come from different countries but live in my country and speak English together. I love him very much and there are many good aspects in our relationship but lately I am not sure if they outweigh the bad anymore. The good is that we really try to learn and develop as people and do better for ourselves and each other. He has always supported me in ways that no one else ever has. I also know that he would never ever cheat on me or lie to me.
The problem is that I seem to annoy, frustrate or anger him almost daily. I am a people pleaser and when ever something happens I always blame myself first. Therefore it is impossible for me to stand up for myself cause I never feel like I have the right to. But this is not because of him nor our relationship. The whole situation is really hard cause he can get angry or irritated over me laughing at something jokingly. So a situation where I think we are joking suddenly turns into a fight cause he thinks I am mocking him or something. I cannot see my own behavior so I just become apologetic and these situations usually end with me crying. Sometimes it feels like he wants to see me cry to make sure I still care but he has of course said it is definitely not so (he also got hurt by this of course).
In the beginning of our relationship he would get mad if he thought I was looking at some other guy (which I was not). I need to add though that there was a loss of trust and I am to blame for it so it is no wonder he was feeling insure. (I did not cheat but I did not tell him some things while we were yet not together.) If this kind of things would happen today I would probably just walk out.
Another thing that bothers me is that he does not want to or avoids spending time with my family. I have gone to almost every party, event and occasion that has happened in his family's side and I love that I can be a part of his family. But he has skipped birthday's and almost everything that has happened in my family for last two years. I don't understand what it is cause my family loves him and are always nice to him. We talked about this and the last time he came with me he happened to accidentally hurt himself while we were there. After he said that it all went to hell cause he had to change plans and felt pressured to be there and that I should not pressure him anymore to come. I really felt like shit for that comment and it felt like he thought it was my fault that he got hurt.
It is so hard for me to see this mess from the outside. Love blinds me but there is some voice in my head saying that this is not good.
We do not do anything together anymore. He does not like to go out and since my friends don't like to speak English that much I always have to make sure that he is involved when we are spending time with them and I really cannot enjoy the time at all cause I just worry if he is okay. My friends are not making any effort though so I do actually blame the situation on them.
Life has just become being at home not really spending most of our time in different room which I am fine with usually but now I feel a loss of connection. We are okay and can laugh and talk normally until something triggers him and I feel like shit again.
There are so many other things too. Like that he does not know how to ask for help or what he wants but then gets mad or irritated when I have not cooked when he is hungry. He cannot either clean or cook on his own which I can do just fine on my own. He always wants to do these things together. I admit that I can go without eating a proper meal but is much more pedantic with this and feels that I should be too. Which he is right of course.
I have friends who I know dislike him and others who like him but I feel like I don't want to talk to either side about this cause I don't want them to get a bad picture of him. Things just never are simply black and white. Maybe I am just bored and want something new and have forgotten why he is good for me because of our resent setbacks. Or am I just blind? Please just tell me if my situation sounds odd or bad. I don't know myself anymore.
The problem is that I seem to annoy, frustrate or anger him almost daily. I am a people pleaser and when ever something happens I always blame myself first. Therefore it is impossible for me to stand up for myself cause I never feel like I have the right to. But this is not because of him nor our relationship. The whole situation is really hard cause he can get angry or irritated over me laughing at something jokingly. So a situation where I think we are joking suddenly turns into a fight cause he thinks I am mocking him or something. I cannot see my own behavior so I just become apologetic and these situations usually end with me crying. Sometimes it feels like he wants to see me cry to make sure I still care but he has of course said it is definitely not so (he also got hurt by this of course).
In the beginning of our relationship he would get mad if he thought I was looking at some other guy (which I was not). I need to add though that there was a loss of trust and I am to blame for it so it is no wonder he was feeling insure. (I did not cheat but I did not tell him some things while we were yet not together.) If this kind of things would happen today I would probably just walk out.
Another thing that bothers me is that he does not want to or avoids spending time with my family. I have gone to almost every party, event and occasion that has happened in his family's side and I love that I can be a part of his family. But he has skipped birthday's and almost everything that has happened in my family for last two years. I don't understand what it is cause my family loves him and are always nice to him. We talked about this and the last time he came with me he happened to accidentally hurt himself while we were there. After he said that it all went to hell cause he had to change plans and felt pressured to be there and that I should not pressure him anymore to come. I really felt like shit for that comment and it felt like he thought it was my fault that he got hurt.
It is so hard for me to see this mess from the outside. Love blinds me but there is some voice in my head saying that this is not good.
We do not do anything together anymore. He does not like to go out and since my friends don't like to speak English that much I always have to make sure that he is involved when we are spending time with them and I really cannot enjoy the time at all cause I just worry if he is okay. My friends are not making any effort though so I do actually blame the situation on them.
Life has just become being at home not really spending most of our time in different room which I am fine with usually but now I feel a loss of connection. We are okay and can laugh and talk normally until something triggers him and I feel like shit again.
There are so many other things too. Like that he does not know how to ask for help or what he wants but then gets mad or irritated when I have not cooked when he is hungry. He cannot either clean or cook on his own which I can do just fine on my own. He always wants to do these things together. I admit that I can go without eating a proper meal but is much more pedantic with this and feels that I should be too. Which he is right of course.
I have friends who I know dislike him and others who like him but I feel like I don't want to talk to either side about this cause I don't want them to get a bad picture of him. Things just never are simply black and white. Maybe I am just bored and want something new and have forgotten why he is good for me because of our resent setbacks. Or am I just blind? Please just tell me if my situation sounds odd or bad. I don't know myself anymore.
