What would you think here?

First things first. This seems to be messy business from the start. You both need to sit down together and figure out if you’re going to divorce or not. Someone’s mind is not made up here, and here the kids are most likely suffering for it, and with much confusion. You both have new partners, so it seems you both want a divorce, or else one may have a new partner, to make the other jealous. I’m not for divorce, but to save what little health I had left, I was forced to get one. I had kids to raise. I’m not advising you to divorce, but if divorce is what you both are set on, then you need to get on with it, so all can move on. Unless abuse or infidelity are involved, I believe divorce can be avoided and marriages restored.

As hard as it is, you’re going to have to settle down and accept that this is the way it’s going to be, and that’s all there is to it. This is what happens in divorce...like it or not... and the more you fight it, the more upset and unhappy your kids will be, as well as you. They are the ones caught in the middle of this and suffer the most from it. Their little minds can’t quite wrap around such drastic and dramatic life changes. You all can do this easy, or make it unbearable for your kids. That’s up to you, but for the kid’s sake, and if you don’t want them to grow up any more traumatized from all this, you’ll all sit down and talk this over like adults and make some rules that accommodate both parties, so ALL know what to expect, instead of arguing about it all time and tearing up the kid’s stomachs and emotions.

As adults, you both made the decision that divorce would be better, so now both parties must make it work, because you’re all in for the long haul, and like any parent, you want the best for your child(ren). This is not high school. I wouldn’t be checking out what he does on Facebook or any other site. And by all means, neither of you should ever talk negatively about the other, in front of the kids, or to their face. This can work, if you both show respect for each other.

Never meddle! You’ve both got a new life now, however, the kids are still in the middle and may be confused at times. They are going to need all the love they can get, all the way around, from both parties. Adjustments will need to be made for all, and it won’t be easy, so it would be in both parties best interest to make this as smooth as possible. Tempers will flair up, but that’s where the rules come in handy, and both parties need to date and sign an agreement. That way, there’s no guesswork about how things are going to be handled, and one can’t claim they never knew something or other. Never ask the kids to take sides, should be one of them, and never put the kids in the middle of a dispute. Yes, I’ve been through this mess, and the easier you make it on yourself and sooner you accept that this is the reality of your life now, the better it will be for you and your kids. It’s rough, so you better get things straightened out now, unless you want a lifelong battle on your hands. One of you probably WON’T be adult about this, and will want to cause constant friction. I hope this won’t be the case, and whoever is the instigator will realize they need to grow up, but that’s where the written rules come in handy. I hope you’ll all try to make this transition as easy as possible for the kid’s sake AND yours.