i fall in love with a guy

but there are two things, one is he's never been to school more than elementary and second is he doesn't smell like he's bathing very often.
but he knows so many things about nature and he communicates so beautifully with his eyes and movement, and he laughs like a child and makes me feel like a child too, and well i don't know what to do with that.
i'm educated which create some distance as the subjects we can communicate get specific, though with everybody the subjects are specific anyways. I totally do not want to hurt him so i think i will try and keep some distance.
but he's so beautiful in so many ways.
i just wanted to share this little story.

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Fernie · F

that doesn't sound like you're "in love" to me

elafina · 36-40, F

@Fernie how would you call it?

Fernie · F

@elafina I have no idea what it is for you but "in love" to me would mean that none of that would matter and I would not be wanting to keep my distance. Maybe we have different definitions of "in love"

elafina · 36-40, F

@Fernie yes maybe :)

elafina · 36-40, F

@Fernie for me "in love" means to want and to be afraid of at the same time, not in a bad manner of course! not including violence either;) huh i'm not a total weirdo see? 😂

Fernie · F

@elafina to me it means I would focus on the positive and sweet things about him...that you described...and pursue him...if his lack of education scares you...and that does NOT mean he is unintelligent 'cause he ain't had much book learnin'...then you could be losing something good...me, I'd rather have sweet than a scholar

elafina · 36-40, F

you yes. but then there's the whole society around you, all of your friends as well as all of his

Fernie · F

@elafina So, he would embarrass you?

elafina · 36-40, F

@Fernie not him but others yes, they could. See, i am trying to do some work for my community where i live. Help as much as i can, but in order to do so, in order to trust me and let me do what i think that needs to be done, i think that i shouldn't provoke much.
Society can let you be within as provocative but it has to be in a few fields and not in every field, otherwise you're being considered to be a somehow crazy and not being taken seriously,
but these are some cliche
but i live amongst this society so i'm coming across these

Fernie · F

@elafina I keep getting many mixed messages here...you said No to him embarrassing you and seemed to say OTHERS would be embarrassed...I'm not getting your meaning. What I glean from all of this is that you wish he was educated so you could have all of that sweetness and innocence as well. I don't think you're being honest about it. If his lack of education is such a problem for you ...do let him go on his way to find someone who will not judge him...just love him....but, please, don't claim to be "in love" with him because this isn't even close to that

elafina · 36-40, F

this bitterness that your text holds is not close to love and not (me and him)
sorry for saying that to you. perhaps another moment i could hold myself.
you are getting mixed messages because i am all of it. i agree at where you say to let him go and find someone who will not judge him and just love him.
but the world ain't perfect and i ain't that bad either..:)
i've got to go now!

Fernie · F

@elafina bitterness? what do I have to be bitter about here? Girl, you are very confused about everything. and a coward and a snob

elafina · 36-40, F

@Fernie what you get is me opening myself and trying to go into my deeper me and be honest about that. You shouldn't be aggressive when people show this kind of vulnerability because you can scare them and close theirselves and feel sad for no real reason.
And i'm a little snob you're right, that's my defence. I got defensive because you denied me the ability to call love that thing i am feeling, as if love has some definition saying that it has to last forever or fullfil certain criteria.