Need advice..FAST

my fiance and i have been together 7 years we have 3 kids that are very young.
I admit that i have a spending issue. Im always buying and providing for our children paying utility bills and half of the rent with my own finances and he works and is always paying his dad 100.00 per week to his dad, cable bill and his car insurance plus his beer weekly and his lunch food weekly. He gets paid every week i get paid 1 time a month. So it leaves me with not much for my smokes or gas to put in his van that i drive as i stay home with the kids. Our finances are seperare and it really bothers me. I have asked many times to have a joint acc(i would NEVER spend his money without speaking about it first). He refuses to get a joint account. Now, i have allowed him to start helping me with my spending problem. I want to change for the better. Problem is that.. If i ask him for anything and i mean ANYTHING i have to pay him back. If he buys me a coffee i have to pay him back..yet i always spend money on him and i dont even ever ask for him to pay it back.. His money goes to his savings or his boat or beer always before christmas presants or birthdays. He has never paid for a bday cake or a christmas i dont even get anything xmas morning but of course he gets from me. Seems he means more to me than i do to him or he has no respect for me or something.... We were just outside, his buddy handed him money and states that my fiance buys him lunch daily at work so i stated with a laugh "wow thats more than i get out of him" so my fiance then says...well he actually pays me back

Like why are we even together? I was good enough to have your kids, do your laundry, clean our apartment, and make dinner daily but not good enough to share finances with...

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silentwriter180 · 56-60, F

I wouldn't have agreed to marry him unless he was willing to help with at least the family and household expenses. But, with the situation you're in, I'd stop buying things for him, especially if he's not buying things for you. A marriage is a two way street. You're obviously on a one way, and not getting anywhere. That's just not right. You might want to rethink your options before the wedding.

Katiebaibie · 31-35, F

I almost think i should just end this.. 7 yrs 3 kids and he makes a huge deal if i smoke his cigarettes... He will make me smoke reserve cigarettes which make me sick while he smokea real smokes from the store..

silentwriter180 · 56-60, F

To be honest, if I were in the same position, I would end it. I have been married 28 years, and it's an equal partnership, which I strongly believe in. I really hate to see people getting married without that commitment, as I see too many end too soon. Many ask what our secret is and we always tell them that we are friends first, then lovers. We treat each other like our equal. If he didn't treat me as a partner and not just a 'wife' or a 'girlfriend', I'd have left him a long time ago. Also, open communication is important, especially about the household and your children. If he is not willing to listen and take care of any of that, then he seriously doesn't care. From what you said, he is number one on his plate. It doesn't work that way. You and the kids need to be up there with him. Just my opinion, of course, but I think you should look at the overall picture and think about it. From what you've told us, I sadly don't think he will change who and what he is. He obviously hasn't in seven years. I'm sorry to lay it out that way, honey. It's just what I've seen of others.

Katiebaibie · 31-35, F

Yah thats pretty much exactly as i believe and think as well. He is the baby and only boy growing up so he is a rotten brat so to speak. Do u think its okay for him to pay his personal bills and let me take care of the household bills ...he thinks that its equal and it isnt. His two personal bills equal 225.00. Our house bills that he puts on me come out to 736.00 ...thats why i have to ask him to buy me smokes or gas.. I provide for kids all needs clothing, formula, diapers and wipes plus all else. Thats why im so very angry. I dont feel i should have to ask to BORROW 20 bucks for gas when ive just fed our babies with all my money and he spent his money foxing his boat and lawyer debt from when he hit me yes i did charge him and he plead guilty. So he says that his lawyer debt is MY FAULT and i should be helping him pay it .. What do you think of that do u think i should? Im so lost i dont even know what partnership is and whats normal or not in a relationship. Also. I did take him to court while broken up and agreed to allow him to give me a measly 400 bucks a month for THREE BABIES when he earns 1400.00 PER WEEK. By guidelines he is actually supposed to pay 1438.00 a month due to his monthly income but he snapped and i played puppy and bowed to him and accepted 400 which i NOW GIVE BACK to him every month since we are now back together.. (he lost it on me cuz i was "sitting on my ass" taking his hard earned money)...

Like is this a relationship?? Whats wrong with this picture

silentwriter180 · 56-60, F

The more you tell me, the more I don't like this guy, and I actually worry about you and your kids. If I were part of your family, I would plead to you to not marry him No, I don't think its okay for him to pay just his personal bills while leaving the household bills just to you. He uses just as much water and electricity as you do, he should pay for some of that. And, yes, he needs to help provide for those kids, if they are his. And if you split up at any point, you can take him to family court to pay child support. It's wrong of him to not do so, even when you're together. If he continues to abuse you in anyway, get a restraining order for you AND your kids. I'm sorry Katie, but this isn't right. And no, this is not a relationship. You're being taken advantage of and used. If you want my advice, please don't marry him. There are much better men in this world, even those who will take you and your kids in and help you raise them. {{Hugs}}

Katiebaibie · 31-35, F

I did take him to court and he lost it on me.. Called me a selfish b****. I agreed that he can give me a losu 400.. Which when u have 2 in diapers on formula 400 aint shit. He has since started making me give it back to him now that we r back together.

When he was charged with domestic assault he talked me into helping pay his lawyer bc it was my fault he has to pay a lawyer since i called the cops. He was infact found guilty of assault uttering threats as well as mischief so i think im able to get sole physical custody. Ive never been mean or horrible co parent ever ever. Hes screamed at me for asking him to take rhe kids bc he called it me forcing them on him.. So i stopped asking and started making plans just for the kids n i and then he would call and id say no sorry we have plans.. Then tried to say i was keeping him from them

I grew up without a dad and never would i ever ever do that to my kids unless they were abused which he does treat my son like shit. Total shit.

Today my son callef me a fuckin loser bc i didnt buy him candy. Hes 3. I wonder where he learned that from....

His friend just called him 10 mins ago and here he is beside me emailing him gas money but refuses to give me gas money to take OUR kids to school... IM AT a loss on what to do and whats actually best for my babies at this point..

silentwriter180 · 56-60, F

Honey, you need to go see someone at Social Services. Look up Social Service in (your town/city). Tell them what you've told me and they will help and give you the best advice for where you are.

Of course, he lost it when you tried to take him to court, every man does, but you can't back down. Social Services will help back you up.

If you're not strong about this, things will just continue as they are. I know you don't want that. It's not healthy or safe for you or your kids to be around this situation.

And if you have really close friend where you are, explain to her/him about this and that you need their support. You can't do this alone. That's part of why I am referring you to Social Services. Please talk to them. I don't like your situation, and I'm worried about you.