What is wrong with him????

@HootyTheNightOwl I’ll be honest, that thought has crossed my mind about him before. And that it’s better to get out before getting too involved. He’s borderline emotionally abusive already; but I can’t tell if it’s intentional or if he’s really that insensitive.

@Prttylttlthng I hate to be the bearer of bad news here... but it's intentional - he's textbook following the same formula as my ex did.

If you stay with him, he will gradually get worse over time until he has you isolated and he does end up being violent towards you. Getting out at that stage will be very difficult to impossible to achieve because you have no one to turn to.

It's better to get out now before he screws up your whole life for you.

@HootyTheNightOwl << What she said Prttylittlthng.

@HootyTheNightOwl Wow, I hate you dealt with that (he causes me so much anxiety), and I appreciate the insight. Not that it’s good either of us are experiencing it, but thank you for confirming I’m not insane here. He makes me feel like I am.

@Prttylttlthng You are not insane. Narcissists tell you wonderful things until you are hooked and then they become psychotic. Many of us have been where you are. It's terrible but you are not alone.

@peskyone OMG. That is exactly what happened.And you just hope it goes back to the “good” part...but the good part was never even real.

@Prttylttlthng Again, that's another tactic that he's relying on. He needs you to doubt your sanity so that you are less likely to speak out about the true reality of life with him. That way, you won't leave him because you think that the whole situation is all in your head.

He might also be a pathological liar and tell several variations of the same event to different people, too. Another tactic to keep you guessing and trying to piece together the true version of events - which ultimately makes you less trusting of him and everyone else around you too (further feeding the isolation tactic I spoke of earlier).

@HootyTheNightOwl You are describing Narcissism 101 beautifully 👍️

@HootyTheNightOwl the messed up part of all of this...we don’t even live in the same city! We barely see each other aside from work stuff. He makes no effort really unless it’s convenient for him, and I gave up! So every time I’ve tried to move on with my life, these outbursts happen or something else to suck me back in. And I just don’t get the point. For as “busy” as he is, youd’ think he has other stuff to do then mess with me for fun.

@Prttylttlthng Oh no, he's not doing it for "fun"... he feeds off of this and gets kicks from doing what he's doing, knowing that he can whistle and you come running back like a well trained dog so that he can begin the next round of your conditioning.

The only things missing are the kibble and belly rubs that one gives to Fido while you are training him.

@HootyTheNightOwl ok so I’m not misreading tone or anything? I think that was an aggressive message.

@Prttylttlthng I think Becksta is being totally unambiguous. As have everyone else. What is it you're not clear on?

@Prttylttlthng Aggressive??? Really??? I'm outlining exactly how abuse and conditioning works based on almost 20 years of experience - and now i'm being aggressive???

At the end of the day, the choice is yours - I can only hope that you aren't sitting here from my angle 20 years from now having this conversation from my angle.

Peace

@HootyTheNightOwl NO NO NO. Not you!!! His message. You’ve been great.

It may well be aggressive - he wants and needs you to fear him so that you'll submit to his control more easily. You'll do it because you fear the consequences of what he'll do if you don't. After that comes isolation and financial abuse... these two go together wonderfully because you never get to see friends and family, you're lucky if he allows you to work.

You don't need money if you never leave the house - but he might put bills in your name just because he's screwed his own credit so you have no money and these bills you can't pay because he controls every penny.

Now he's got you right where he wants you. You have no access to your family and friends and the financial aspect means that you can't escape because you don't have the means to support yourself if you run - so you are either stuck with him or forced to run away or turn to crime, drugs or prostitution to make ends meet.

I'm lucky in that I have the support of someone special to help me through this now... but the road is certainly not any easier for us because even the so called "domestic violence help" requires you to take insane amounts of risk to get away from the abuse.

If you can, it's better to not take the road that I was forced to take as the lesser of two evils since it saves you a lot of strife when you ultimately find someone that you love and start to see the true extent of the abuse that you've been living with.