Need a Womans perspective

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Married going on 29 years this April,My Wife and Married and family young.
I thought I made all the right choices,
But come to find out in 2014 that she'd been having an affair,Well my world fell apart.
We worked it out and I learned of things lacking that I did or not do,So back together things have been great up until Id say 6 months ago she stopped talking to me about anything and I ask her why she d just say it is in my head.Come too find out shes at it again,this time its online and they have been video chatting snd swapin pictures and texting,
She shares her thoughts bout with her girlfriend s says he s the greatest ever and I Am the crap on bottom of her shoes

Guess the long and short of it is
Why? What did i miss and why doesnt she just tell me and go

And Yes Ido love very much

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SoFine · 46-50, F

Long-terms are and will be a battle ground of expectations, hurts, trying to overcome.

If she did take up with this dude, who is the best, it won't last.
Why?
We have a notion that a "Special someone" will fill us, fill our empty, our needs.
In real life.
We are more like to trigger hurts, or events that we have never healed from, after the luster has left our partnership.
We either forgive those triggers, we each trigger, or we blame our partner or cheat.
Her ego is misguided, that he appears to fill her boxes of female delight, unknowingly he -if she lived with him, he will also become the shit on her shoes.
Her emptiness is an inner urge in her, she herself can fill it, no one else can. It is an illusion in her, in all of us, that we seek special to feel better about who we are.

1. Do you forgive her?
2. Do you forgive yourself? (For been an asshole sometimes)
3. Do you forgive and move on?

Take time to not react, aim to be calm and think, than be a reaction machine. We, can say things in heated arguments, when we should be calm.

Good luck...😨

Dazed · 51-55, M

@SoFine
1. Do you forgive her?
I can,and it may seem weird
But I need her to tell me , Why. And not that it just happened. If that makes any sense

2. Do you forgive yourself? (For been an asshole sometimes)
Yes ,I know I am not the easiest to get along with

3. Do you forgive and move on? It can happen

What I am really struggling with is TRUST took me a long time to even consider it the first time.I really do not see how I will be able to trust her again,and my fear is that will only create a toxic and festering situation