Is online intimacy can be considered as cheating on unsuspecting spouse?
Creating emotional involvement with someone when spouse is not looking is a form of cheating. Agree or disagree?
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SW-User
I don't believe it's a cut and dry answer. If you're trying to hide something from your partner, because you know they would have a problem with it, then YES, that is lying/cheating. But, one can have deep intimacy of relationship with someone other than their significant other, without it crossing lines. The key is open and honest communication and making expectations clear.
1Dogma · F
@SW-User Really...I doubt it but that's your point.
SW-User
@1Dogma Which part do you disagree with? That someone can have intimacy of relationship with someone other than their significant other without crossing lines?
1Dogma · F
@SW-User yes...very dangerous.
SW-User
@1Dogma It is not without risk, but no relationship is. If you have a best friend, your whole life, who happens to be the opposite sex, and then you get married, should you be expected to just drop your relationship with your best friend? Would that be expected of your friends who are the same sex?
To me, that would be wrong to expect of my partner. I think guidelines should be set, and there should be openness and honesty of communication, but I'd not expect my partner to drop their friendships for me.
On the other hand, if he was acting all secretive about it and didn't agree that certain boundaries should be in place, that would be a problem for me.
To me, that would be wrong to expect of my partner. I think guidelines should be set, and there should be openness and honesty of communication, but I'd not expect my partner to drop their friendships for me.
On the other hand, if he was acting all secretive about it and didn't agree that certain boundaries should be in place, that would be a problem for me.
CharlieZ · 70-79, M
@SW-User May be I´m wrong.
But I see that the source of disagreement here is about semantics on the meaning and nature of the "intimacy" expression.
We all have or should have a certain kind of valuable emotional intimacy with friends of the opposite gender / sex. And that is quite good!
Good as long as never collide to the kind of intimacy (another meaning) that we agreeded to reserve for monogamous couples.
That exclusivity includes the sexual one in their physical side.
But it´s far to be restricted by that one.
There is and should be an emotional gender role based área that is part of the exclusive complicity of the couples and that is not available for friends, no it matter how close they are.
Let me give you a bit extreme analogy.
I can talk ABOUT sex with a female friend or my SISTER.
But entertaining any talk that may be construed as sexually charged personal mutual attraction (even if with jockingly sexual only subtones or fliirting) is, for my use, out of the board so with my sister as with a friend, provided that at least one of us is in a relationship.
And this, yes, is subject to nesessary open communication.
But, as trust is related to choices over what we DO and not on concious intent, not even communication is enough.
Intentions and thoughts mean near to nothing if they are reasons to step over agreed boundaries.
So, we´d better say on what kind of intimacy are we talking about.
But I see that the source of disagreement here is about semantics on the meaning and nature of the "intimacy" expression.
We all have or should have a certain kind of valuable emotional intimacy with friends of the opposite gender / sex. And that is quite good!
Good as long as never collide to the kind of intimacy (another meaning) that we agreeded to reserve for monogamous couples.
That exclusivity includes the sexual one in their physical side.
But it´s far to be restricted by that one.
There is and should be an emotional gender role based área that is part of the exclusive complicity of the couples and that is not available for friends, no it matter how close they are.
Let me give you a bit extreme analogy.
I can talk ABOUT sex with a female friend or my SISTER.
But entertaining any talk that may be construed as sexually charged personal mutual attraction (even if with jockingly sexual only subtones or fliirting) is, for my use, out of the board so with my sister as with a friend, provided that at least one of us is in a relationship.
And this, yes, is subject to nesessary open communication.
But, as trust is related to choices over what we DO and not on concious intent, not even communication is enough.
Intentions and thoughts mean near to nothing if they are reasons to step over agreed boundaries.
So, we´d better say on what kind of intimacy are we talking about.
SW-User
@CharlieZ I agree with you in part. The problem is that each person's ideas on non - sexual, emotional intimacy is different. To me, it wouldn't bother me if my significant other made a general sexual innuendo joke in front of other friends. It WOULD bother me, however, if that joke was specific or specifically addressed toward another woman in the group. For example, if everyone is talking about a subject like favorite sex positions and he says "I love to bend a woman over a table and take her from behind".... fine. But if he says to his best friend who is in the group, "I'd love to bend YOU over the table and take you from behind" then we'd have a problem.... but that would be MY personal opinion and boundary. Each couple has their own and they should be made clear within the individual relationship. Others may look on and say something is inappropriate, but if a couple has decided together, that for their relationship that thing is appropriate, no-one else matters. That's why I say it's not a cut and dry thing for everyone.
1Dogma · F
@SW-User Well we should marry our bestfriends.