Murksmonkey · 36-40, M
I have no qualification to give you reliable advice, but I think the whole "I want it to work, I adore her so much" will be quite helpful by itself. You'll be there for her when she needs you, and that's most important.
My experience (limited to a different problem, but hopefully similar enough) also says this: You should also leave her alone when she needs that. Not forcing yourself onto her is probably important for her to allow you to really get through to her.
My experience (limited to a different problem, but hopefully similar enough) also says this: You should also leave her alone when she needs that. Not forcing yourself onto her is probably important for her to allow you to really get through to her.
Tinkerxbell · 46-50, F
@Murksmonkey Thanks a lot for the kind words and advice, mate. :)
GlassDog · 46-50, M
It is incredibly difficult at times. I got together with my longest-standing partner just weeks before her father committed suicide. I went through everything with her and was with her for five years after it happened. Even though I understand everything she went through, I still find it difficult to have a normal relationship with her. Everything I say or think is thought and rethought and I'm constantly on eggshells. For her, of course, it's much, much worse.
Depending on how bad the PTSD is and whether she is able to talk about triggers without triggering, I'd try and understand as much as you possibly can about what to avoid, but also be aware that this horrible disorder can sometimes mean you can't in any way have the relationship you want, just a semblance of it.
Depending on how bad the PTSD is and whether she is able to talk about triggers without triggering, I'd try and understand as much as you possibly can about what to avoid, but also be aware that this horrible disorder can sometimes mean you can't in any way have the relationship you want, just a semblance of it.
Tinkerxbell · 46-50, F
@GlassDog Thanks very much for sharing your experience - I truly appreciate it. Glad she is able to talk about her triggers without much triggering to me. However, she also has agoraphobia.😞
mrbuddhawannabe · 56-60, M
Tinkerxbell · 46-50, F
@mrbuddhawannabe Thanks for sharing your thoughts, mate. Apprecaite it.:)
mrbuddhawannabe · 56-60, M
@Tinkerxbell Rule #1: take care of yourself first before trying to take care of someone else. I learned to back away when I get too stretched/overwhelmed/tired when I am supporting a friend. It does both of us no good if I do more than I am willing to do. I get both exhausted emotionally and physically plus I get resentful.
MrsKatherineArch · 41-45, F
Tinkerxbell · 46-50, F
@MrsKatherineArch Thank you so much for sharing your experience and advise. I appreciate it.
MrsKatherineArch · 41-45, F
@Tinkerxbell YVW, I hope it works for you!
Butterflykisses24 · 51-55, F
Tinkerxbell · 46-50, F
@Butterflykisses24 I will, thanks so much for sharing your experience. She's also suffering from agorapohbia, unfortunately. She stays and works from home most of the time.
Butterflykisses24 · 51-55, F
@Tinkerxbell 🤗
anythingoes477 · M
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anythingoes477 · M
As an ex soldier i can tell you that you will go thru hell and possibly even be in danger until she conquers her demons. Let her heal. Stay around the edges but you are not doing either of you a service complicating the problem even further. Just saying. Wanting her while she's "needing" something else is selfish of you. Just being honest.
Tinkerxbell · 46-50, F
@anythingoes477 Thank you so much for your kind advise. I will let her heal and walk away. :)
anythingoes477 · M
@Tinkerxbell I'm glad you took it as "kind". I meant it that way. YOU deserve happiness just as much as she needs to heal. PTSD is a bitch. it takes time to get past--sometimes a lot of time--and the less distractions she has, the better for her. In the meantime you are safe....and I am not exaggerating that you could be in harm's way. Perhaps in the interim of being away from each other you both will find what you need.....from other directions.