How to handle my husband?

Poll - Total Votes: 16

Hopeless situation?

Just needs work

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My husband moved here for me from another country 5 yrs ago. I discovered that he has many anxieties and insecurities doesn't like to mingle with anyone at all and on top of it is extremely lazy, childish and selfish. Sounds bad but those are literally every bad thing about him. No job in all this time.No remorse for not working. Doesn't clean without lots of fussing. This affects our romantic life. I don't want to tarnish his image by telling anyone so many details about our situation in real life. I'm so isolated in this situation. He loves me and now he is trying to work on some business that I purchased but even that is like more burden than help most days.

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littlemisslight · 36-40, F

Here's the how:
1. Sit down and talk to him, frankly. If you don't know how to say it, write it.
2. Have a break together. Get out of the familiarity / comfort zone to help him discover what it is he wants to do with both of your lives together.
3. Or you have a break on your own to sort out your thoughts. The absence of a burden will soothe you for a bit to get your bearings.

It's not exactly like your situation but I was with a man for 4 years and we almost got married when I realised he was all those things you said about your husband. I am so glad I didn't ask him to come and move closer to me because I just know he would resent me in the future for it. I know at that time he loved me, but it came with a cost. There is nothing wrong to want to stay home and play video games and/or go to the pubs and drink, but to do that and relying on your partner's income all day everyday is just...exhausting. It wasn't a fulfilling relationship anymore.

Good luck.