How to handle my husband?

Poll - Total Votes: 16

Hopeless situation?

Just needs work

You can only vote on one answer.

My husband moved here for me from another country 5 yrs ago. I discovered that he has many anxieties and insecurities doesn't like to mingle with anyone at all and on top of it is extremely lazy, childish and selfish. Sounds bad but those are literally every bad thing about him. No job in all this time.No remorse for not working. Doesn't clean without lots of fussing. This affects our romantic life. I don't want to tarnish his image by telling anyone so many details about our situation in real life. I'm so isolated in this situation. He loves me and now he is trying to work on some business that I purchased but even that is like more burden than help most days.

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Mamapolo2016 · F

I would sit him down and lay it all on the table.

Here are the things I will no longer tolerate. Beginning immediately, you will find a job. Any full time job that brings in money. You will shower every day.

If your social anxiety prevents you from going out and enjoying social activities, I won't force you. But I am going to go and do the things I want and you can stay home or come with me. If you choose to stay home you are not to show any negative emotion toward me because I go out.

In one month we will talk again and if I am not satisfied with the improvement, our marriage is over and you will have one month to find another place to live or someone else to support you.

If five years of fussing haven't changed his behavior, it's time to get tough.

TheProphet · M

@Mamapolo2016 You're way to forgiving Leslie. He's a pathetic loser that's been using her for 5 years. It was probably his plan all along when he conned her into bringing him here.

Mamapolo2016 · F

@TheProphet I am assuming she cares for him and wants it to work. It's been five years - one more month isn't going to hurt. That way she can walk away knowing she tried.

nedkelly · 61-69, M

@Mamapolo2016 Maybe she cares and more than likely he has found a sugar momma

Mamapolo2016 · F

I don't disagree. I only offered that solution to make her see he does not love her, or he would make changes to make her happy with him.@nedkelly

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@nedkelly not sugar mama situation. He is sincere. My mom thinks so as well but from what little they know they do think he needs shape up. That's why I said immaturity. Divorce last resort.

nedkelly · 61-69, M

@REMsleep How old is he?

Mamapolo2016 · F

That's what i thought. The thing is, if he agrees to the 'shape up or ship out' plan, you'll have to be unbending.

He has to know you're serious. May I ask his home country and age?@REMsleep

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@nedkelly 32

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Mamapolo2016 I tried shape up ship out talks. I feel lost. I packed his bags once. He look like lost puppy truly hurt and without understanding. I cried to him. He doesn't fully get it. He says hey we get along great. Don't worry be patient my issues. He's from a lazy island paradise but raised from young teen in a different well developed first world country.

Mamapolo2016 · F

There comes a time in some relationships when it no longer matters if they get it. You don't HAVE to understand, but you DO have to do these things and if you DON'T do these things I will not be happy and we won't be together. Strap a 150 lb pack on his back and tell him that's how YOU feel and he has to never take it off. "That's how I feel, carrying you."

@REMsleep

SW-User

@Mamapolo2016 No matter how you feel. The discourse that comes from within yourself after, neglects to remember how lonely you felt despite if you loved a person, and everyone feels lost after a breakup so take this time to feel lonely.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Mamapolo2016 Thanks. Just feels good to vent. I feel I can't say these things to anyone. I agree with you . Action is harder. Can't last this way. Thanks to everyone.

Mamapolo2016 · F

Good luck. @REMsleep