Do you ever get the feeling it's easier to cry than to keep smiling?

I use to think that smiling was a way to show how happy you are. I was only half right. It's also a way to lie about how your feeling. I lie. I see no point in hiding it. I use to think I was really good at it. I guess I just didn't realize I was lying to myself too. I smile at this girl I like. She's amazing. She's everything I ever wanted and I'm lying to myself. I don't smile only because I'm glad to see her. I'm hiding my own emotion from myself. I know deep down it will never work out. No matter what I do or who I talk to. No matter what road I try to take I won't be with her. So I smile to hide the fact that every time I see her it breaks my heart.

I'm not writing this for sympathy. I'm not writing this to get attention. I'm writing this to myself so I can read it and remember sometimes things don't always work out. So for now I'm going to keep smiling until I can't.