How do I stop shaking?

Well, I have the proof I've always known would come eventually. During the time he was working in the city, the history in his phone is full of motel searches in that city. Weeks and weeks of them. The entire time he was in range.

He was having an affair. The entire time, having an affair with someone... who knows which one. I'm not crying yet, actually. I'm shaking though, like I'm cold but it's not cold in here. Is this what shock feels like? Not to be dramatic, I feel almost nothing. How can we live like this now?

The searches stopped months ago but how knows why. Maybe they broke up, maybe he doesn't need to search anymore because they have a favorite.

What's wrong with me? Why couldn't I ever be enough?

I have to get out of this marriage. I have to be tactful and careful, I have to prepare without telling him. I have to make this as easy as possible for my children.

Please remember that I tried so hard to believe his lies. I tried so hard to be the good wife.