How do you avoid infidelity?

If you’re in a relationship how do you resist temptation? This is something I really struggle with. I understand people say if you really loved the person you wouldn’t cheat on them and they’d be enough for you. I could genuinely love someone but still dabble in other situations. I want to get better. I’ve ruined a few relationships in the past due to infidelity.

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Mamapolo2016 · F

Question: if you are in a relationship, is it acceptable to you if your partner has outside interests?

KaciAlex · 26-30, F

No, I don’t deny this. I’ve also been cheated on. I know how it feels. @Mamapolo2016

Mamapolo2016 · F

@KaciAlex I’m not being accusing. Just trying to Give a perspective. When somebody’s trying to figure something out, that’s the time to help, not attack.

Clearly you’re not a person who intentionally causes pain, and it has cost you too.

Not an enemy.😊

Lack of self-esteem is a tricky rascal. It’s self-perpetuating. (Night of) “I’m not sure I’ve still got it, so I’ll find out if I do by learning if somebody else still wants me.” (Morning after) “Even if he doesn’t find out, I’ve betrayed him and I’m a lousy person.”

So you end up less sure of yourself than before, In the meantime what was sure and safe and reassuring isn’t anymore. He might find out now, six weeks from now, or a year from now. You’re never really stable again.

How you reassure yourself of your worth also destroys your sense of worth.

It all centers around that. Yes, we are often attracted to other people...for a moment, an evening, or a month.

It’s the excitement, too. Anxiety can masquerade as thrill. I’m bored, and I know how to fix that...1

So...in theory, at least, if you can prevent boredom, you’re on the right track. Step it up at home. Don’t waste all those rose petals on the bed in the early months... you don’t NEED rose petals then.

Work on being more comfortable in your own skin. You do realize that somebody wanting you tonight probably doesn't mean anything more concrete than they’re bored too. Or drunk.

If you approach another relationship, best to get it in the open at the beginning. ‘Here’s what I need to stay committed’ or, ‘I am probably going to cheat, just so you know.’ Or, I love you, but I am simply not built to be faithful.’ It’s not fair, as you know, to spring it on somebody after the fact.

KaciAlex · 26-30, F

@Mamapolo2016 Yes, for sure. I definitely think you’re coming from a positive place. My tone wasn’t intended to sound defensive, even though as I reread it, I can see how it may appear that way. I welcome all comments since I put it on a public forum, no matter how negative or positive they may be.

Thank you for your words and thoughtfulness. I can see this perspective a little more clearly. 😌

Mamapolo2016 · F

@KaciAlex Good. ‘So much good in the worst of us and so much bad in the best of us it ill behooves any of us to criticize the rest of us.’