You think it's better to have an open marriage or a traditional one while cheating on your spouse
Or both are equally bad to you?
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RubySoo · 56-60, F
I find this subject fascinating.I assume in the context of the question you are referring to the sexual aspect of the marriage and cheating being having sex with other people. I believe this can work as long as both husband and wife want the same and they have their agreed boundaries. If it's totally honest.....They tell each other about their intermarial adventures right? Sharing stories can add spice...yes? If the deal is they don't talk about the others they sleep with.....is that honest? I'm not sure. X
SW-User
Yes exactly. I think relationships should be about commitment and if two people commit themselves to be in a open marriage and they are OK with it, and responsible enough to keep their words than it is better than saying they are monogamous but still not being able to live up to this label
RubySoo · 56-60, F
I've spoken to lots of people on here...Some genuine....Some. ..very likely complete fantasists talking about their perfect ( yet probably) imaginary relationships. People who have amazing happy relationships with their other halves....but no sexlives together. Often tho....This is because one or the other no longer enjoys sex ...possibly a medical reason is the cause. In these cases...The partner who still wants sex looked elsewhere....sometimes with approval sometimes without. This is such a grey area as one may be interperate it as an open marriage....but the partner at home certainly does not. Altho they accept their other half has sex with others I don't think they would call it open. To me an openstriae would be two people who are exactly that! Totally open about everything! Sex, desires and dreams....and even the mu dame stuff like money and bills! No secrets what so ever! If your partner shares a desire you are not prepare to fulfil....then you give them the freedom to chase it elsewhere. ....and for them to tell you all about it afterwards!
I think there are a tiny tiny amount of people who would find a relationship like that in theit life time x
I think there are a tiny tiny amount of people who would find a relationship like that in theit life time x
SW-User
Couldn't agree more, and it's indeed very rare to find people who would be willing to be in a real open marriage as you just described though I met recently a person, through the Internet, who got married recently and is in an open marriage.
Camas1974 · 51-55, M
My experience with it is maybe odd. Im currently in a one sided open relationship for a few reasons.
First, my wife had an affair several years ago. While i was upset when i found out, looking back on it, i realized that the sex between us was actually better and more frequent during the affair. Also, Im older, and things dont work like they used to. Im too quick, and sometimes i cant even get things working:-( I started thinking back to the days of the affair, and thinking about her and her lover actually started to turn me on. So, after many discussions with her, she is now open to have sex with others. The main rules are that she tells me about it when she gets home, and that it not turn into a humiliating cuckold thing, and that emotionally she doesnt get close. Its worked well so far. Her current lover is younger, and while there is strong sexual chemistry, they dont get along on a personal level at all...lol. Anyway, when she shares her experiences with me, we have had some of the best sex we have ever had....
First, my wife had an affair several years ago. While i was upset when i found out, looking back on it, i realized that the sex between us was actually better and more frequent during the affair. Also, Im older, and things dont work like they used to. Im too quick, and sometimes i cant even get things working:-( I started thinking back to the days of the affair, and thinking about her and her lover actually started to turn me on. So, after many discussions with her, she is now open to have sex with others. The main rules are that she tells me about it when she gets home, and that it not turn into a humiliating cuckold thing, and that emotionally she doesnt get close. Its worked well so far. Her current lover is younger, and while there is strong sexual chemistry, they dont get along on a personal level at all...lol. Anyway, when she shares her experiences with me, we have had some of the best sex we have ever had....
RubySoo · 56-60, F
Camas. ..I don't find it odd....i hope it continues to work for you both. But...In yr early 40s you are still a young man... Make sure you're totally happy with what you have....don't 'settle' for something to keep the peace.
But for now...it sounds like it's working. ...so good on you x
But for now...it sounds like it's working. ...so good on you x
Camas1974 · 51-55, M
Oh, i feel like we are only at the beginning! There are many avenues we both want to explore. We have been together since we were in high school...and because of that,weboth feel like we missed out on somethings....so now we are sharing in those experiences. The downside is that she is not yet ready to share me....but is open to the futute possibility of that, which is enough for me at the moment:-)
Trysta09 · 46-50, F
@Rubysoo: If both members of the couple agree that they don’t want to hear about the details when their partner is out and about, then that is honesty—and respect for the partner’s wishes.
On reasons why a couple has an open marriage: Yes, sometimes the reason is medical but often one or both parties want something sexually that the two of them can’t (or won’t) be able to achieve without one or more added individuals. Same sex or group activities would be only a couple of examples.
On approval: If the marriage partner doesn’t approve, it’s not an open marriage. Besides honesty, respect for the partner is paramount. Both partners need to agree to the terms or it’s just not going to work.
On being totally open in everything: You are correct—both partners have to be able to fully trust one another, sexually and otherwise, for their relationship to work. If you can’t trust your partner in one area, it will cast doubts on that person’s ability to be trustworthy in other areas. That’s where most marriages (open and other) fail—on lack of faith in each other.
On reasons why a couple has an open marriage: Yes, sometimes the reason is medical but often one or both parties want something sexually that the two of them can’t (or won’t) be able to achieve without one or more added individuals. Same sex or group activities would be only a couple of examples.
On approval: If the marriage partner doesn’t approve, it’s not an open marriage. Besides honesty, respect for the partner is paramount. Both partners need to agree to the terms or it’s just not going to work.
On being totally open in everything: You are correct—both partners have to be able to fully trust one another, sexually and otherwise, for their relationship to work. If you can’t trust your partner in one area, it will cast doubts on that person’s ability to be trustworthy in other areas. That’s where most marriages (open and other) fail—on lack of faith in each other.
Trysta09 · 46-50, F
@Camas1974: I’m glad you and your wife were able to work through her initial affair. Forgiving someone for a betrayal is a very difficult thing to do. It’s even more impressive that you were able to come to the realization that changing the structure of your marriage might be a benefit. It’s good to see that it seems to be working for both of you—I hope it continues to do so!
I'm going to echo @Rubysoo's plea for you to not settle. People change and the dynamics of a marriage do, too, regardless of whether or not the marriage is open. What works now may not work later, for any number of reasons. As long as you’re both honest with each other—especially when any negative feelings start flaring up (and, sooner or later, they will)—you should be able to work it out. But if you hold back, things fester and it's more likely that the relationship will take a bad turn.
I'm going to echo @Rubysoo's plea for you to not settle. People change and the dynamics of a marriage do, too, regardless of whether or not the marriage is open. What works now may not work later, for any number of reasons. As long as you’re both honest with each other—especially when any negative feelings start flaring up (and, sooner or later, they will)—you should be able to work it out. But if you hold back, things fester and it's more likely that the relationship will take a bad turn.