@Rubysoo: If both members of the couple agree that they don’t want to hear about the details when their partner is out and about, then that is honesty—and respect for the partner’s wishes.

On reasons why a couple has an open marriage: Yes, sometimes the reason is medical but often one or both parties want something sexually that the two of them can’t (or won’t) be able to achieve without one or more added individuals. Same sex or group activities would be only a couple of examples.

On approval: If the marriage partner doesn’t approve, it’s not an open marriage. Besides honesty, respect for the partner is paramount. Both partners need to agree to the terms or it’s just not going to work.

On being totally open in everything: You are correct—both partners have to be able to fully trust one another, sexually and otherwise, for their relationship to work. If you can’t trust your partner in one area, it will cast doubts on that person’s ability to be trustworthy in other areas. That’s where most marriages (open and other) fail—on lack of faith in each other.

@Camas1974: I’m glad you and your wife were able to work through her initial affair. Forgiving someone for a betrayal is a very difficult thing to do. It’s even more impressive that you were able to come to the realization that changing the structure of your marriage might be a benefit. It’s good to see that it seems to be working for both of you—I hope it continues to do so!


I'm going to echo @Rubysoo's plea for you to not settle. People change and the dynamics of a marriage do, too, regardless of whether or not the marriage is open. What works now may not work later, for any number of reasons. As long as you’re both honest with each other—especially when any negative feelings start flaring up (and, sooner or later, they will)—you should be able to work it out. But if you hold back, things fester and it's more likely that the relationship will take a bad turn.

@lovelldo - It may not be, you are correct. But I would say your statement applies just as much to "traditional" relationships as it does to "open" ones.

Whether or not a lifestyle is healthy means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. In other words, what's healthy for one person might be very unhealthy to another.

AwwTopsy I don't think all open relationships are unhealthy and I don't disagree with you. I just wanted to point that out.

@lovelldo - It's a very good point and I'm glad you made it. It's a big ol' complicated subject. ☺

Thank you, and yes I agree

To me an agreement does not change the fact that they're cheating on each other hiding under the term "open marriage." That's just my opinion though.

I see what you mean, I personally see it in a negative way too. Like, I wouldn't agree to be in such kind of marriage but I think it's better than presenting yourself as monogamous and still cheat on your partner- I prefer the honest side of it.

That is true, I wouldn't agree to such an arrangement but those in open marriages are at least clear in their dealings.

I'm just asking for opinions. I assumed some people might think it's bad because of cultural or religious reasons, and I recognize it's something people usually sees as not being so good

It wouldn't be bad....but you often find one person is more open than the other!! Then...it can actually be quite cruel. X

I don't thing gender should make a difference what so ever. X

I don't know...that would be hard to fathom with me. I came close to swinging and even then that was really hard to fathom

I guess it's not supposed to go anywhere.. Other than bed! Just sex outside your marriage....so the person your bonking needs to be told that's all it is! X

@JarJarBoom: The relationship with the other person may or may not go anywhere--that depends on how the couple has set up their rules. Each couple defines the relationship based on what works for them.


@MrMarcus: The couple doesn't necessarily need to have sex with other people. It's usually just something they enjoy. But people have open marriages for all sorts of reasons--wildly differing sex drives, enjoyment of group activities, medical reasons, husband's infertility, opportunity for one partner to enjoy activities the other doesn't like...

An open relationship takes far more communication and trust than a monogamous one, to keep everyone on the same page. It's definitely not for everyone.

Is it cheating if there's an agreement among people?

If there's an agreement, then you're not cheating. So it doesn't fit into your question. But even in an open marriage, you can cheat by not following whatever rules you agreed on. And in that case, yes you're cheating and it's wrong.

Wish my wife felt like that.

Yea, I agree on that.