Is my fear legitimate
I have irrational feelings of fear.
I’m glad I have this place to vent because if I didn’t.
I would hurt people emotionally that I deeply care about.
I am in love.
And I’m probably what the shrink calls “codependent”.
I’m good at using various coping mechanisms to deal with these irrational feelings of fear.
I know he loves me.
I trust him.
But how does one really know that he isn’t trying to “ghost” one?
He is very dear to me.
And if he told me he had to go.
I wouldn’t stop him.
I love him too much to ever blame him for falling out of love with me. He is his own person free to do as he wishes.
We had a near miss one day.
He was in pain so was I. We both thought it best for the other to let them go.
I was overwhelmed and he saw it.
But amidst the tears all I could say is it’s ok.
It’s not your fault.
You can go.
And he didn’t.
Since that day I have been struggling with strong feelings of fear which have arisen from the situation.
I want to tell him how deeply madly in love I am with him.
I am keeping the level of emotional expression to a minimum.
Letting him know I love him and I’m here.
Occupying myself with other things. Family study friends shopping and stuff.
I also yearn to talk to you baby.
I love you more than I have loved anything in my 37 years on this planet.
But I won’t overwhelm you.
I won’t let my emotional instability come between us.
Stop us from just enjoying the present moment whenever we get the chance to.
Iv never loved like this. To be totally vulnerable amidst the fear of abandonment which was caused by something in my childhood which has nothing to do with him.
He is a gentleman
Loving caring everything. He is perfect. And he loves me.
I feel the fear. But I’m going to love you anyway.
And if you have to go I will be strong enough to let you go.
Because I love you.
That’s that.
I’m glad I have this place to vent because if I didn’t.
I would hurt people emotionally that I deeply care about.
I am in love.
And I’m probably what the shrink calls “codependent”.
I’m good at using various coping mechanisms to deal with these irrational feelings of fear.
I know he loves me.
I trust him.
But how does one really know that he isn’t trying to “ghost” one?
He is very dear to me.
And if he told me he had to go.
I wouldn’t stop him.
I love him too much to ever blame him for falling out of love with me. He is his own person free to do as he wishes.
We had a near miss one day.
He was in pain so was I. We both thought it best for the other to let them go.
I was overwhelmed and he saw it.
But amidst the tears all I could say is it’s ok.
It’s not your fault.
You can go.
And he didn’t.
Since that day I have been struggling with strong feelings of fear which have arisen from the situation.
I want to tell him how deeply madly in love I am with him.
I am keeping the level of emotional expression to a minimum.
Letting him know I love him and I’m here.
Occupying myself with other things. Family study friends shopping and stuff.
I also yearn to talk to you baby.
I love you more than I have loved anything in my 37 years on this planet.
But I won’t overwhelm you.
I won’t let my emotional instability come between us.
Stop us from just enjoying the present moment whenever we get the chance to.
Iv never loved like this. To be totally vulnerable amidst the fear of abandonment which was caused by something in my childhood which has nothing to do with him.
He is a gentleman
Loving caring everything. He is perfect. And he loves me.
I feel the fear. But I’m going to love you anyway.
And if you have to go I will be strong enough to let you go.
Because I love you.
That’s that.
41-45, F
