Am I a bad person for liking this girl?

My last year of college I met this wonderful girl, who made me feel things I haven't before. For the first time in my life I felt like I was capable of being loved, the way she treated me nicely instead of taking advantage of me. She had her own problems, suffering from anxiety and severe depression. She had an abusive boyfriend, who almost pushed her to the point of suicide on multiple occasions. I broke up their relationship. Some time later my friendship with her deteriorated, I tried to both be her friend, but she already knew I was interested in her myself. She pushed me away, and severed all contact with me. I asked around why, and apparently my messaging once a week became annoying to her. She had many new boyfriends since, and it always hurts me because I know I can never be loved the way she loves those other guys. I still have mutual friends who tell me what's going on in her life, even though she want's nothing to do with me a year after we last spoke. I have had thoughts of ending my life to make the hurting of her absence stop. I just feel so incomplete, and empty knowing we can't ever be together. I've even resigned myself to the fact that no one else can love me, and it would be better to avoid any future involvement in romantic relationships with anyone else because no one else has treated me as nicely. I have good friends who did convince me she isn't the only light in my life, but she was such an important light I can't feel whole again without her.

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Hamuda1990 · 31-35, M

[quote]My last year of college I met this wonderful girl, who made me feel things I haven't before. For the first time in my life I felt like I was capable of being loved, the way she treated me nicely instead of taking advantage of me[/quote]

Can you explain that in more details?

Razoreye001 · 31-35, M

@Hamuda1990 I was kinda bullied throughout middle school, and high school. Every girl I liked back then either made fun of me, or took advantage of me in some way. Like doing their homework, letting them cheat off my tests, and buying them lunch. She was the first girl I liked that wanted to be around me, without demanding anything in return.

Hamuda1990 · 31-35, M

It means she was a comfortable person my friend. She was more human than others.. it does not mean love many times. Especially with you saying she had a bf :)

Did she stop contacting you because of a feeling you had and no more?

Razoreye001 · 31-35, M

Well I set rules for myself explicitly so I didn't trigger her. I made it a rule to only talk to her once per week. I would ask some of the same things, because I was afraid to let my emotions get the best of me.

Hamuda1990 · 31-35, M

But what did you say to her?

Razoreye001 · 31-35, M

Ask how she was doing mostly, and making sure everything was fine. Nothing crossed the line until I wanted to be more real to her. I wanted ask explicitly why I'm not good enough, and told her about my anxieties about being worthless.

Hamuda1990 · 31-35, M

Did you tell her your feelings towards her?

Razoreye001 · 31-35, M

She knew for at least a year before she severed her ties to me.

Hamuda1990 · 31-35, M

Did you get more pushy or tell her some strong words?

Razoreye001 · 31-35, M

I don't think pushy or strong was the right words for it. When she broke up with the next guy after that I tried to ask her out again, and I did ask why I didn't deserve a chance when she was trying to ask out my best friend who turned her down believing I was better for her. after that she became more distant. My sense of worthlessness became too much, so I sent her a three paragraph message over facebook explaining my insecurities.