women are more likely to die of a broken heart... agree ?

@ravenwind43 short period of time.. for that's what we give to anyone.. we want everything to happen within a short period of time .. and we never give as much time to anyone...

[quote]but that relationships can also make us feel unhealthy because of their toxicity.[/quote]

Isn't it because we want the relationship to work our way .. ? do we give time to know what it is or what it wishes to be .. In the rush of making it work our way, don't we take too many steps at once, than taking baby steps .. ?

@in10RjFox It depends on the person. There are toxic relationships unfortunately. Domestic violence, addictions. These are not relationships that allow a person to be healthy:)

@ravenwind43 well.. there is a choice to get out of toxic relationships and get into healthy ones... but the study says don't dwell in it.. rather move on to the next .. Don't be alone .. and start relating to someone and your heart gets better ..

@in10RjFox Absolutely, no one should! I think before you can have a healthy relationship you need to be healthy in yourself. Someone we are connected to adds to our life most definitely, but the starting point needs to be at a healthy place. :)

@ravenwind43 Yes.. and we should not be afraid to make connections .. for many do the mistake of rejecting those who do not suit their lookout.. and also hurt themselves in the process..

@in10RjFox Perhaps, but at the same time we all have an idea of what we are looking for. It also depends on what type of relationship it is too. That alters ones perception as well:)

@ravenwind43 yeah.. but in the process no one said keep only be on the lookout for what you want .. and just ignore the rest .. and don't chat with someone ..

aren't we all are in crossroads one way or the other .. ?

So why do we slap or hurt someone in the process of looking for what we want ?
don't you see people scrambling people in the process.. like finding something in a dump yard .. and chucking all what they get hold off .. ?

[@in10RjFox) I don't know if "hurt" is the exact word. If in a romantic relationship I prefer an intelligent man who keeps himself clean and groomed....does it behoove me to look for a buffoon who smells like week old cheese?
I am friends with people who are like me, and I am also friends with people who are quite different. Still, we are drawn to those who meet some of our ideals and it's natural to do so. :)

@ravenwind43 every tried making someone that way you wish them be OR tried to change the way you are for them ?

@in10RjFox As a general rule no. I believe in individuality and respect ones right to be so. No one can change anyone, one can only change themselves, and whenever you try chaos comes:)

@ravenwind43 chaos comes only we try to change at once and without giving adequate notice .. but even that has become a method of approach to bring about a chaos to bring about a change... as we can see that most chaos nowadays are soooo fabricated .. were most of us wonder without even having taken stock of the situation ..

But the point I am trying to make.. when it comes to relationships is that.... we wish to go naked into a clothing store and try out various dresses from a pile and in the process chuck those that does not suit us ... and even come out naked, if we don't get any suitable one .. but not come out with what was available at that time.. and spend time to alter it ..

Thanks to monogamy I suppose ..

@in10RjFox I thought perhaps you were anti-monogamy. That is a whole other topic of course.
For me, picking what is "available" would be chaotic. It is devoid of thought and reason and would be relied heavily on visual stimulation and lust. There's nothing wrong with the last two, and if someone wants to gauge their relationships based on that alone they can. Still, I picture it as being shallow and temporary. I am not someone who believes in forming temporary relationships, friendship or romantic.:)

@ravenwind43 yeap.. the problem is the monogamy .. and how we were programmed to believe in it much against the wishes of the nature .. and how we deprive love to the needy by quoting various rules ...

Hope you understand that the whole argument is not about you and me here... but about the human trait..

@in10RjFox Of course, we are having an interesting conversation, which I always welcome:)
I don't entirely disagree concerning monogamy. I see the point your making, (certain birds do mate for life however) but it comes down to quality in a sense. Can you truly have deep quality relationships with several people at one time (of a romantic/sexual nature) and, is being anti-monogamy a way to experience the initial flush of love and lust without really having to give over your whole self because it might be frightening? When we first love and/or lust feel good chemicals flood our brains and we truly are just "stupid" for a bit. Over time we come back to our sense. Perhaps that "high" for people is enough and they need it over and over so it makes monogamy pale in comparison.

@ravenwind43 there was never monogamy in the first place to be anti-monogamy .. Love too is like parenting ... If a mother can shower love to her 2 or 10 children .. then what is monogamy ..? In which case true monogamists are Chinese only who have one child policy ..

The entire concept of truth / quality / trust / good / bad / love / lust... etc... etc.. have been imbibed into us.. and we were not supposed to think or talk about it.. but just follow.. in other words we have pre-defined notions of all these words.. but never allowed to think otherwise ..

Maybe you are finding it strange and bring up a "what if" around you in disbelief.. perhaps you may have least expected the conversation to happen .. for most are never even bothered to stay in a conversation...

[quote]When we first love and/or lust feel good chemicals flood our brains and we truly are just "stupid" for a bit. Over time we come back to our sense. [/quote]

Just compare this to the menstrual cycle .. and what if monogamy says you have to stay pregnant all life .. and never deliver .. so you don't have to go through the next period .. It is all just one making the rules for another ... and the question is who made those rules .. and why they hell are we following ..

There's a lot of topics in your last message to be sure:)

It may not seem like it, but I am enjoying the conversation. It doesn't have to continue however. I like my ideas to be challenged, so we don't have to completely agree.

I don't think a mother loves all her children the exact same way. I don't think you have to love everyone the same way, but at the same time, growth is part of life, and if a relationship never grows beyond the first stages then it leaves one (maybe) searching for what they'll never find. It works for some yes, but it's not my cup of tea.

The menstrual cycle is biology and the other are emotions. Difficult to compare. This is about rules that others give us, but rules we decide for ourselves. You can't make people or tell people monogamy is wrong if they choose that. We all have to be free to make it.:)

[quote] I like my ideas to be challenged, so we don't have to completely agree.[/quote]
I see Life itself as coming to an agreement. I see that we are all living life in a disagreement only .. and hope you agree with this point .. hahaha

[quote]I don't think a mother loves all her children the exact same way.[/quote]
So what does that mean... Love too can vary in length and breadth and intensity ... and it does not mean that she will only love her first child .. or the fifth that is still suckling her breasts ..

[quote]I don't think you have to love everyone the same way,[/quote]
exactly... who said love for music has to do anything with love for computers ? but why is it that we are made to keep our first love and restricted to keep it for life.. and not allowed to bear another ..

[quote]It works for some yes, but it's not my cup of tea.[/quote]
again you are going down to you and me .. which is not the point here for we are talking generic.. most of our lives are over .. but the question here is should this be followed as a trait ?

[quote]The menstrual cycle is biology and the other are emotions.[/quote]

What if I tell you that everything in this world goes through a similar cycle... be it short or long is our way of timing it ... We call it as seasons when it gets longer .. And you sure must have experienced your mood / emotions are no exceptions to it...

[quote]We all have to be free to make it.:)[/quote]
YES... the freedom to make it... the freedom to make our own rules and live by it .. and not impose our rules or adherence on someone else..


[quote]It may not seem like it, but I am enjoying the conversation. [/quote]

hahahaha... knowing SW, it is just you and me in this room... and not anyone is bothered to check questions beyond 3-4 pages ... and I wish to cherish this conversation, and publish it some day.. for I feel this is what people would really want to read in a daily newspaper..

[quote]It doesn't have to continue however.[/quote]
Well.. that is up to you.. for I know I am for real .. and can be kept in touch in various ways ..

I appreciate you conversing this long on it...very few hang on and it's been quite enjoyable. I should be getting on with a some things but...thank you again. I will ponder your last message again when I have time later!

@ravenwind43 I have to call it a day too .. good night ..