Why is opening up so hard?

After 25 years of marriage you’d think that there hasn’t been any words or thoughts left unsaid. But when you think about the deep down thoughts or desiresa they just stay inside. Why is that? Are we embarrassed that we have these thoughts? Are we afraid of what the other might think? Are we worried about rejection? I Completely trust her and know we will never be without each other, however I hold back which makes me unhappy. Does she do the same?

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SW-User

Because you don't know how someone else will react.

People generally don't like confrontation, so you might seek to avoid it. Then there's the prospect of being shamed for how you really feel, villainizing you for simply feeling a certain way.

It's not because you're a man who was told to be a manly man and shut up, but because it's your self-preservation instinct. Why invite trouble when you can avoid it?

Fernie · F

@SW-User that's not good advice...open, honest, courageous communication holds healthy relationships together and keeps it real

SW-User

@Fernie Disregarding the blatant sexism for a bit, I wasn't giving advice. I was giving reasons why someone would struggle to open up, and you just proved one of those reasons right

Fernie · F

@SW-User " Why invite trouble when you can avoid it?" what did you mean by that? I read it as you telling him to continue on not opening up...which he said is making him unhappy...bad advice...call it what you will..."blatant sexism" HA! that's outrageous and amusing

SW-User

@Fernie Oh I see. You edited your comment to hide it. Clever girl. Now nobody can see when you said "that's your testosterone talking".

It wasn't advice. It's what's known as a rhetorical question. It's what people use to highlight a point

Fernie · F

@SW-User omg...you ain't right in the head. I don't know what your problem is with me and I could not give a rat's ass but the crap you're saying is out in the cosmos...buh bye

Fernie · F

@Fernie and one more thing .. talking about sexism...your profile picture speaks volumes about how YOU feel about women

SW-User

@Fernie You just proved my point, sweetie. I said people don't open up out of fear of confrontation, and you promptly show up fully prepared for confrontation. It's like this question was designed for you