I am in great pain. What should I do?

[@MySweetestMistake] now that I am free of the guilt that "I will be letting someone down "
I have come to realize I must not be such a bad guy ,
Lots of her friends who have seen what I have put up with they come running
saying they could make me happy and they would never put me through what she did .and the girl I did love I let get away ,now she is unhappy and wants to come back ,but I am done with her too ,she added to the pain when she gave me an ultimatum ,just hurt someone and marry her or she was gone ,she knew it was coming to a head ,but I was dealing with my Mom dying and my ex ,and she just added to the pain .
So though I know had she waited just a little longer we could have been happy ,and I do still love her ,I won't even talk to her ,she has asked to come see me for over a year ,and I finally said OK ,but now she is afraid to face me ,but still keeps sending me messages she still loves me and is coming to see me ,
I am finally getting over her too ,,,so all I want from her is her to take back some of the hurtful things she said trying to get up her own courage to hurt me .
But her friends ask can they just move in with me as a roommate and help keep my house and I will see they are the one for me ,
But I am happy single ,
I can afford to eat what I want ,wear what I want and not hear "are you really wearing that with that "
Why did you take this road ,why are we going to this store the other one is cheaper .I don't have someone questioning my every move ,
I am a Vet ,been on my own since 13 ,I have supported myself and anyone with me all these years ,I need no one to manage me and tell me step by step what I need to do ,but with her it got easier to let her have her way then to argue over stupid stuff ,,it drained me and I am in pain ,the stress made me hurt worse .
My Mom and Dad both died and the only time I got with them was taking care of them as they were dying ,
Her Grandma is still alive ,and I seen she was at every family function even if I had to drive across the state to do it .
Helped put her through college ,for her to work in a hardware store ,and 3 yrs after our breakup she is still living off her Mom
I am disabled ,but I still worked to see she had everything she needed to be successful and the other girl too (she did help with my Mom and I took care of her too for being there ,My Ex hated my Mom she did nothing but Mom grew to hate her back ,LOL)
But now that I am free of her constant bitching ,stealing my pain meds and leaving me to suffer while she did as she pleased ,which was to stay high and drunk and be mean .
I am sorry she is where she is ,but she took enough of my life ,and so many saying they want me ,that they know no one as patient and loving and forgiving
How stupid she was to throw me away ,,its funny really ,,
I will not be with anyone else who wants to "Fix me" or needs fixed
We either work ,and its not a job to be happy with each other ,,and another big issue is my faith ,or I can remain single to my death ,
I have 4 great kids ,lots of people who love me for me
I feel like I have been released from prison
and even the one I did love is becoming more and more just a memory ,
not daily pain ,so its painful ,but time does eventually heal all wounds
God luck and God bless

wow thank you for sharing your story. Can we chat in pm instead?

@Michocolatte sure