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Is a 'sexless' relationship literally just no sex, or it is more/deeper?

I've had a sexless relationship in terms of no sex with my last LTR from before she became pregnant with our daughter, but I never really considered it meant anything tangible at the time. Looking back I still don't fully understand what 'sexless' means apart from - literally - no sex.

But it is more than that?
OldBrit · 56-60, M
I think it maybe more about lack of intimacy, trust, love etc ie the no sex is a symptom not the issue.

I think it likely many are in happy sexless marriages that still have those other components though
Mmm...I’ve been part of the SM group on EP. So based on that, I can tell you that the discussions we had in our group were mostly about failed marriages, partners who had been cheated upon, partners who had medical and mental issues and hence couldn’t be intimate, partners who blamed themselves if their marriage wasn’t working, etc.
adorbz · 22-25, F
I’d take it to mean only no sex, there will be way too much variation to imply anything else from that
SledgeHammer · 46-50, M
Sexless relationships are, no flirting, hit it and quit it... no eye contact... no foreplay, not completely naked,no showers before or landscaping... all natural, and absolutely no oral anything... not even a kiss...
Yup that sounds about right!
[@11509,Keepitsimple] it's our anniversary had to say thank you to him for the beautiful bouquet
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
[@917533,saragoodtimes] Happy Anniversary! That went fast!!!
[@11509,Keepitsimple] time seems to be flying by. seems like yesterday we were digging out from a snowstorm. now getting ready to plant tomatoes and jump in the pool
HootyTheNightOwl · 36-40
Physically, it is what it says on the tin... emotionally, you start having problems when other things dry up as well.

Once communication goes and you no longer talk about the things that matter to you - your relationship is doomed, though you notice other things dry up before that point... they become more distant and you lose the simple things that you might have enjoyed the most before. No holding hands, no hugging, no watching anything together, no eating together, no sharing a bed s/he'd rather sleep in a damn chair first.

"I love you" just becomes three empty words, said out of habit rather than something that really means anything. It comes as a surprise when you say it to someone else and you know that you really mean it.

Before long, you feel like two roommates, just passing each other on the way in or out and there's nothing of what you used to hae left anymore.
DragonFruit · 61-69, M
It might be simply a lack of sex due to health issues...or it might have to do with other underlying issues.
The one thing that it definitely describes is a relationship with no sex.
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
There may be intimacy in other ways though but technically it’s just not performing the actual act.
It's classes as a sexless marriage if you have sex less than 10 in a year. I've been in that position for 18 months once upon a time so I was glad when it ended. Sex is the glue to any relationship. It's not just physical but helps mental connections too.
OldMan70 · 70-79, M
[@509821,MadchesterMan] 👍
zonavar68 · 51-55, M
[@509821,MadchesterMan] I didn't know there was a legal or scientific definition. 8-) So then that means for almost all of my first LTR and definitely all of my second one (where my 3 yo daughter came from) has been 'sexless' as I know for certain that your measure of less than 10 times a year pretty much applies for all of my adult life except possibly 5 years (not all grouped together). If I discount my non-adult years (where there was no sex anyway) and factor in no relationships until late 20's, the average will be probably 1 time ever 3 to 4 months or longer. I'm different so I don't hide behind being a non-sexual dynamo like all men are supposed to be.
[@830706,zonavar68] yeah there is a defined definition of a sexless marriage or relationship. I think if I'd been sexless for most of my adult life then I'd have been looking for a new partner or partners. I left my first wife after we weren't having sex more than once a fortnight. My second wife had all her relationship's fail after sex issues. Initially there was lots but then it dwindled to nearly nothing for 18 months. I tried to make it work but it was always going to fail. Although me and my partner now have had big ups and downs there has always been plenty of sex. Her being 14 years younger helps too.
To me it's a marriage with little or no sexual activity between partners. It can be caused by lots' of reasons. Love can still be there if the relationship is based on more than sex.

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