It was not my fault. My only fault was not letting him go a long time ago.
I wish I had responded to the cues earlier on. It did not serve me to stay. It was unhealthy.
Other than that, the way I was manipulated, the way I was emotionally abused, the way my trust was abused, the way I was sexually touched under the pretense of a trustworthy person who liked me back.....was not my fault. I had such a hard time understanding the mental games, the constant subtle rejection from my work circles and from him, that I was unable to process and respond to them. I wish I was smarter. But I'm just stupid. A laughingstock.