Love and Betrayal -Tell Yourself the Truth and You'll Set Yourself Free
[b][c=800000]When people realize that betrayal is not about them, it won't hurt so bad. The person who betrays, is a person who does not know what they want in the first place. They are emotionally unavailable to [i]anyone[/i]. They are searching and they are not sure of themselves. They are insecure, and really, the only way for them to find someone they feel would be compatible with them, is to date! However, the problem comes in when they lie to you, during their experimentation.
Further, sometimes we can be peculiar creatures. Sometimes we know the other person doesn't really love us, yet we would rather believe or "wish" they did, so we kid ourselves into thinking 'this person loves me', because that makes US feel good. This is unstable thinking. A double-minded person is unstable in all their ways.
They should never say "I love you", if they are not sure. However, their choice has nothing to do with the person they betrayed. Nothing. They are simply people that are searching and have not found what they're really looking for, yet they're not even sure what they are looking for, so they go from one person to the other. Sometimes, just to use people. It is a delicate process and in that process, their minds can become confused and selfish, thinking only of themselves.
We must see them for what they are. I went through that whole bit. I grieved very hard for a year and two months. I was emotionally crippled by his lies and could only sit in my easy chair and felt paralyzed to do anything each day. I didn't think I would recover, however I knew I had to do something and that was the hard part. I had PTSD from it. However I kept praying for God to help me get through this horrible grieving process and I forced myself to do just one thing a day. And I mean it was not easy. I literally had to force myself to do just one chore a day. And I knew I had to start thinking positive. Then the next day I would do another chore and another until I was getting back into my routine. That one thing made me proud of myself again that I was accomplishing something though I was hurting so bad. And then I started looking online to try to unscramble my brain from this traumatic experience and I started reading about betrayal and how our mind works and I reasoned to myself that I had to tell myself the truth after reading an article about narcissists.
I started studying about them and how they work and how they "groom" you and then how you get sucked in to being a people pleaser and all. They program you to be co-dependent and some victims are never able to recover. I knew if I was going to be whole again and recover from this whole experience, the one thing and the [u]only[/u] thing that would save me, would be to tell myself the [u]truth[/u] of the matter. Not what I [i]wished[/i] it had been, but what really went on. When I did that, I definitely set myself free. It was a process. I studied narcissism, hard. I know every bit about them, and that is what set me free. After all that grieving, I learned that it wasn't even about me. Narcissists have no idea what love is. Not real love, anyway.
A narcissist's definition of love, is nothing but control. That's all they know. They don't know HOW to love. But it was about learning [u]much more than that[/u] about them. I could write a book on them. I thank God, he showed me how to untangle my mind from being with a narcissist. Of course, you never know they are a narcissist at the time. But I healed from that, with the Lord's help, completely by telling myself the truth. It doesn't happen overnight. There are [u]many[/u] truths you have to face, when healing. Of course, I can't list them all here, and the following just touches the surface for the process. But after I went through the process of healing, I would see him all the time when I went out because he's in the same building, and I was able to not only see him but not feel bad when I did. After I unraveled everything, I had no feelings for him at all. It didn't bother me to see him, as then I knew his game, but I wasn't going to hang out with him. He was no friend. I was glad I had no feelings for him at all.
The betrayal had nothing to do with me. We must remember, we are not the only ones on this planet and people have their preferences. That has nothing to do with you. They simply haven't found the person they prefer, but the problem comes in, when they lie to us and make us "feel" that we are the most loved person on this planet. Sometimes that happens, because even they, do not know what they want at the time, that's all. No, that doesn't make it right, but then these people are confused, anyway.
They experiment, even hoping maybe this is the one! Yet still, it is them trying to find that special dream person, that may or may not exist! Perhaps they have set their standards too high or even too low, but even they do not know. Just because it didn't happen to be you at that time, never means that you were not enough! In their mind, it is only about preference. We must realize that people have different preferences, and they are going to wander, until they find that one whom they feel IS the right one. Don't we do the same? Why stay with someone you just don't click with?
So you are not actually mourning the loss of someone that left you. Tell yourself the truth! You never HAD that person EMOTIONALLY speaking, in the first place! That person is emotionally unavailable to anyone and everyone, until they feel they have found that right one. Has nothing to do with you. Tell yourself the truth. You are only mourning love you [u]thought[/u] you had. And so, it hurts. You never had this person in the first place. You must always tell yourselves the truth. This person was simply emotionally unavailable.
Think about it. Would you be so selfish, as to want to hold on to someone who really had a different preference, but simply hadn't found it yet? It's better to find out now, than later. Better you did not marry this person or have children... it could have been far worse. It's not that this person didn't like you. It's that they had a different preference in people. My goodness, we cannot expect ourselves to be perfect for any and every person, who comes along, and how else will you find that person, unless you date others ? We can't all be that perfect fit for someone and it's much better to let them go, when there's no "fit", as they'll never be emotionally available for us, anyway.
Honey, you're absolutely enough! There's nothing to [u]change[/u], except you start loving yourself and realizing you're great, just as you are! So not everyone thinks we're that wonderful, beautiful person we know we are....BIG WHIP! We should not WANT to be people pleasers, but accept ourselves, just as we are. If we don't, no one else will. Since when do people get to decide our value? As long as you know what, that's all that counts. If you're comfortable with yourself, then all power to you, but never let anyone take your power away from you. Just because everyone doesn't like us, doesn't mean they are right. And if we live our lives in pursuit of everyone liking us, we are going to have a very miserable life. The point is to love yourself, be true to yourself alone, and have fun and happiness in life. Attitude is everything. You don't FIND happiness in life...you create it.
Love cannot and should not, be forced. That would be selfish on our part. There's someone out there, that IS a perfect fit for you. Get excited about THAT, than wasting your time on someone who will never be emotionally available to you. Accept that, and stop trying to force this person to love you. Why waste your love and energy, on someone who is emotionally unavailable, when you can find someone who will reciprocate your love? That's crazy. Life is too short. Start dreaming about that one you are truly hoping and praying for. Picture what they look like and then go out there and find them, because they are just as excited about meeting you, as you are, them. They are out there looking for you, as well! Don't keep them waiting. Love, life, and happiness await you, with that special one, you [u]deserve[/u] and who deserves YOU![/c][/b][/c][/b]
Further, sometimes we can be peculiar creatures. Sometimes we know the other person doesn't really love us, yet we would rather believe or "wish" they did, so we kid ourselves into thinking 'this person loves me', because that makes US feel good. This is unstable thinking. A double-minded person is unstable in all their ways.
They should never say "I love you", if they are not sure. However, their choice has nothing to do with the person they betrayed. Nothing. They are simply people that are searching and have not found what they're really looking for, yet they're not even sure what they are looking for, so they go from one person to the other. Sometimes, just to use people. It is a delicate process and in that process, their minds can become confused and selfish, thinking only of themselves.
We must see them for what they are. I went through that whole bit. I grieved very hard for a year and two months. I was emotionally crippled by his lies and could only sit in my easy chair and felt paralyzed to do anything each day. I didn't think I would recover, however I knew I had to do something and that was the hard part. I had PTSD from it. However I kept praying for God to help me get through this horrible grieving process and I forced myself to do just one thing a day. And I mean it was not easy. I literally had to force myself to do just one chore a day. And I knew I had to start thinking positive. Then the next day I would do another chore and another until I was getting back into my routine. That one thing made me proud of myself again that I was accomplishing something though I was hurting so bad. And then I started looking online to try to unscramble my brain from this traumatic experience and I started reading about betrayal and how our mind works and I reasoned to myself that I had to tell myself the truth after reading an article about narcissists.
I started studying about them and how they work and how they "groom" you and then how you get sucked in to being a people pleaser and all. They program you to be co-dependent and some victims are never able to recover. I knew if I was going to be whole again and recover from this whole experience, the one thing and the [u]only[/u] thing that would save me, would be to tell myself the [u]truth[/u] of the matter. Not what I [i]wished[/i] it had been, but what really went on. When I did that, I definitely set myself free. It was a process. I studied narcissism, hard. I know every bit about them, and that is what set me free. After all that grieving, I learned that it wasn't even about me. Narcissists have no idea what love is. Not real love, anyway.
A narcissist's definition of love, is nothing but control. That's all they know. They don't know HOW to love. But it was about learning [u]much more than that[/u] about them. I could write a book on them. I thank God, he showed me how to untangle my mind from being with a narcissist. Of course, you never know they are a narcissist at the time. But I healed from that, with the Lord's help, completely by telling myself the truth. It doesn't happen overnight. There are [u]many[/u] truths you have to face, when healing. Of course, I can't list them all here, and the following just touches the surface for the process. But after I went through the process of healing, I would see him all the time when I went out because he's in the same building, and I was able to not only see him but not feel bad when I did. After I unraveled everything, I had no feelings for him at all. It didn't bother me to see him, as then I knew his game, but I wasn't going to hang out with him. He was no friend. I was glad I had no feelings for him at all.
The betrayal had nothing to do with me. We must remember, we are not the only ones on this planet and people have their preferences. That has nothing to do with you. They simply haven't found the person they prefer, but the problem comes in, when they lie to us and make us "feel" that we are the most loved person on this planet. Sometimes that happens, because even they, do not know what they want at the time, that's all. No, that doesn't make it right, but then these people are confused, anyway.
They experiment, even hoping maybe this is the one! Yet still, it is them trying to find that special dream person, that may or may not exist! Perhaps they have set their standards too high or even too low, but even they do not know. Just because it didn't happen to be you at that time, never means that you were not enough! In their mind, it is only about preference. We must realize that people have different preferences, and they are going to wander, until they find that one whom they feel IS the right one. Don't we do the same? Why stay with someone you just don't click with?
So you are not actually mourning the loss of someone that left you. Tell yourself the truth! You never HAD that person EMOTIONALLY speaking, in the first place! That person is emotionally unavailable to anyone and everyone, until they feel they have found that right one. Has nothing to do with you. Tell yourself the truth. You are only mourning love you [u]thought[/u] you had. And so, it hurts. You never had this person in the first place. You must always tell yourselves the truth. This person was simply emotionally unavailable.
Think about it. Would you be so selfish, as to want to hold on to someone who really had a different preference, but simply hadn't found it yet? It's better to find out now, than later. Better you did not marry this person or have children... it could have been far worse. It's not that this person didn't like you. It's that they had a different preference in people. My goodness, we cannot expect ourselves to be perfect for any and every person, who comes along, and how else will you find that person, unless you date others ? We can't all be that perfect fit for someone and it's much better to let them go, when there's no "fit", as they'll never be emotionally available for us, anyway.
Honey, you're absolutely enough! There's nothing to [u]change[/u], except you start loving yourself and realizing you're great, just as you are! So not everyone thinks we're that wonderful, beautiful person we know we are....BIG WHIP! We should not WANT to be people pleasers, but accept ourselves, just as we are. If we don't, no one else will. Since when do people get to decide our value? As long as you know what, that's all that counts. If you're comfortable with yourself, then all power to you, but never let anyone take your power away from you. Just because everyone doesn't like us, doesn't mean they are right. And if we live our lives in pursuit of everyone liking us, we are going to have a very miserable life. The point is to love yourself, be true to yourself alone, and have fun and happiness in life. Attitude is everything. You don't FIND happiness in life...you create it.
Love cannot and should not, be forced. That would be selfish on our part. There's someone out there, that IS a perfect fit for you. Get excited about THAT, than wasting your time on someone who will never be emotionally available to you. Accept that, and stop trying to force this person to love you. Why waste your love and energy, on someone who is emotionally unavailable, when you can find someone who will reciprocate your love? That's crazy. Life is too short. Start dreaming about that one you are truly hoping and praying for. Picture what they look like and then go out there and find them, because they are just as excited about meeting you, as you are, them. They are out there looking for you, as well! Don't keep them waiting. Love, life, and happiness await you, with that special one, you [u]deserve[/u] and who deserves YOU![/c][/b][/c][/b]
