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You asked for the details...

Okay so this morning I asked how many of you wanted to hear this story. As of this writing, the vote is 32 to 2 in favor of me writing this, so here goes...

Yesterday I was running an errand for the family business picking up some things out in central Massachusetts (about 3 hours west of here). The area is kinda run down and definitely not my normal haunts.

I'd finished my errand and was about to head home when I stopped to pick up a Coke Zero and a snack for the road. It was after dark already. I walked into the small shop and there were a couple people in line at the counter. Seconds after I entered, a guy burst in angrily behind me and immediately began yelling at the girl in line at the counter.

She was evidently taking too much time and he wasn't happy about it. His yelling was degrading and he was instantly physical with her, grabbing her arm. This is where my loved ones try to impress upon me the importance of minding my own business. It is also the moment where I have a tendency to interject myself in the business of others.

I moved to them, made eye contact with her, and asked, "Are you okay?"

The dialog that follows is as best as I can recall. But as in any stressful situation, memories made while high on adrenaline are not always accurate.

"Step off bitch, this ain't none of your business!"

"I wasn't talking to you, asshole," then turning to the terrified girl, "If you need a safe path away from him, I got you."

"I said step off."

Turning to the cashier, "Call 9-1-1, this asshole is about to need an ambulance."

"Oh you're a funny bitch," and at that moment he laid hands on and tried to push me back from them. His right hand still on her arm, his left hand was pushing me away. I removed his hand from my shoulder and likely dislocated or sprained two of his fingers based on his reaction.

Then I saw him let go of her and reach behind his back under his shirt. His arm immediately began coming forward. That's never a good thing.

I drove my left palm up into his lower jaw driving his lower teeth up into the uppers and took out his left knee dropping him to the floor just as his hand came around with the sidearm. His focus being sufficiently distracted by pain, I focused on his wrist and took the gun from him.

The cashier was at this point on the phone with 9-1-1 and I heard him say, "He has a gun!" And to my shock, the accused woman was now on the floor next to the guy providing comfort and screaming at me. I told the cashier that it wasn't going to be safe inside when the police arrive and that he should wait outside for them.

I was impressed at how quickly they arrived. I saw the cashier talking to the officers as they got out of their cars with guns already out of their holsters. His hands were in the air. I knew what was about to happen. I ejected the magazine from the gun and cleared the chamber. Holding it by the trigger guard, I raised my hands and went down to my knees about five feet from the now disabled abuser (his girlfriend still by his side).

The two officers came in, saw me with the emptied gun and saw the other two on the ground. One went to them and one came to me.

"What happened here?" he asked while taking the gun from me.

"He started to draw down on me and I took offense at that."

"You did that?" motioning to the abuser on the floor.

"Yes sir. And that's his, by the way," motioning to the emptied pistol. "Mine is under my left arm still in its holster."

"You're carrying?"

"Yes sir."

"Do you mind if I hold on to that while we straighten this all out."

"Not a problem." He pulled my Sig from my holster and I gave him my credentials wallet which included my driver's license, my Navy ID, my credentials from that three letter federal agency I used to work for, and my FID.

We (the abuser and I) were each put into the back of a police car (different cars) and cuffed. The officers took our stories and then compared notes. One went inside, presumably to check the video, others arrived.

Thank goodness there was that security video in the store that completely backed up everything I said because the cashier said I started the confrontation. 🙄 But after seeing it, the officer came out to me and took me out of the car, removed the cuffs, and returned my Sig and my credentials. The abuser was placed under arrest and the officers offered the woman help which she declined.

I've gotten pretty stupid like this many times. But when I see an abuser in public like this I just cannot stand there and do nothing. Of course, my fiancé and my mom are both kinda pissed at me right now. And my CO needed to speak to me today (yes, the police called the Navy 🙄).

So anyway, that was my Friday night.
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SchoolBelle · 61-69, F
1. Great report of a hairy situation - well written, with clarity.

2. Ain't folk weird? How often do you see a girl/woman leap to the defence of her abusive partner!

3. I presume you are/were some variety of plainclothes official/service person. A vet?

4. You have the physical and mental confidence of MA training but also excellrnt presence-of-mnd training and situational awareness.

5. Smart reaction to police arrival - don't risk getting shot by some hick cop.

6. Didn't/doesn't your training teach you to stay out of "domestics"?

7. Take the lesson from the shop keeper seeing you as the aggressor.

So glad you csme out of this situation in one piece!

And fully understand why your mum and fiancé (fiancée?) hope you're never tempted to get into anything like it again.

Also suspect they know it is a forlorn hope.

🙏 May your guardian angels continue to protect you!
KiwiBird · 36-40, F
@SchoolBelle Increasingly, fiancé is used as a gender-neutral term for any engaged person.
SchoolBelle · 61-69, F
@KiwiBird 😄 I am an old bat, you must forgive me.
KiwiBird · 36-40, F
@SchoolBelle I blame the French.
pdockal · 56-60, M
@KiwiBird

Abuse is tricky. The abused can defend the abuser especially if they feel their life is in jeopardy and that they'll never get out of the situation.
SchoolBelle · 61-69, F
@KiwiBird Why not? Everyone else does!
SchoolBelle · 61-69, F
@pdockal Abuse is straightforward. It's abuse.

The tricky thing is love - or "dependence" as it should be known.
pdockal · 56-60, M
@SchoolBelle

No, abuse is rarely straightforward; it's often a gradual, manipulative, and cyclical pattern of power and control, not just isolated incidents, and can be hard to spot because abusers often seem like ideal partners at first, using emotional/ psychological tactics (gaslighting, isolation) that leave no visible bruises but deeply harm victims. It involves many forms—physical, emotional, sexual, financial—making it complex, and victims may not even recognize it as abuse due to trauma bonding or fear, making leaving difficult.
Victims often minimize the abuse, feel shame, or fear the consequences, making recognition and leaving complex and non-linear.
SchoolBelle · 61-69, F
@pdockal Yes, as I said, absolutely straightforward.
pdockal · 56-60, M
@SchoolBelle

????????????????????
SchoolBelle · 61-69, F
@pdockal Absolutely nothing new or surprising in what you wrote. Totally straightforward.
sarabee1995 · 31-35, F
@SchoolBelle

6. Didn't/doesn't your training teach you to stay out of "domestics"?

I also volunteer at a women's shelter so this is one area where I find myself not able to back down.
SchoolBelle · 61-69, F
@sarabee1995 Yes, I can understand that. I admire your... what? Dedication? Courage?

Both of those.

Be safe.
pdockal · 56-60, M
@SchoolBelle


Just because i wrote something straight forward doesn't mean that abuse is straight forward


Most training teaches you to intervene during domestic situations
SchoolBelle · 61-69, F
@pdockal I don't disagree with anything you wrote about abuse. But you have conflated it with the other side of the equation - what I called love, or dependence. These are the reaction to the abuse and, yes, they may give rise to greater opportunities for abuse.
pdockal · 56-60, M
@SchoolBelle

Your missing the point
Abuse ISNT straightforward like you keep saying it is

It's very complicated
SchoolBelle · 61-69, F
@pdockal You are not listening. You know you are correct.

Let's leave it there.
pdockal · 56-60, M