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Help - I think I’m in an abusive relationship.

So my partner keeps saying I frustrate him and recently we’ve had multiple arguments over stupid things, such as me falling asleep early (9:15pm) I’m a nurse and work 12.5hr shifts, 14 if you add travel. My partner works from home in a stressful, yet very flexible job where he often has time to play on his Xbox during the working day.

Tonight’s argument was me falling asleep early, apparently that frustrates him and pisses him off and I’m so selfish for it. I was explaining why I am so tried and all I got was ‘well I work in a busy job and I’m not tired you need checking you’re so weird for falling asleep at this time’. I kinda snapped when I shouldn’t which caused him to get really angry, shout at me and slam doors (have told him multiple times this scares me, I don’t do aggression well). To which he stated tonight that if I did not annoy him, he wouldn’t do it therefore it’s all my fault and I’m a selfish bell***.

He’s now sulking downstairs because I make his life hell and I’m so hard to live with and no one understands him. I feel emotionally numb and so tired. It’s draining me as I’m always the one in the wrong and he doesn’t seem to take responsibility for his actions and blames me.

Advice would be helpful… thanks x
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Miram · 31-35, F
This is very repeated theme among my friends , coworkers, in the healthcare field.
People know we work long hours and our jobs are more difficult. They willingly choose to be a part of lives like ours. And they feel wronged by our job obligations.

Working in healthcare is extremely draining. You can't do anything about it except quit. You can't fix your own hours. You can't even do proper strikes for better work conditions because people would die.

He needs to decide whether he is able to understand your limitations or not. He is not your patient. You can't put aside your feelings every time and tend to his. The two of you are equal. And you need your rest.

You know what to do. Show him his options and if he can't make a choice, walk out.